


I Belong To You

by Vinushuka



Series: Loved [1]
Category: Apocalyptica, Dir en grey, Sukekiyo - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:50:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 32,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The love story of Perttu and Kaoru finally gets it’s fulfilment in ‘I Belong To You’. But just when the happiness in the greatest the destiny interferes and almost destroys their new future. </p>
<p>Kyo struggles between his passion for work and art and his love for Vinushka and the baby. In the middle of his chaotic love life he finds in himself a new talent that opens up intriguing but dangerous possibilities for him.</p>
<p>The sad love story of Eicca and Tochi finally gets a conclusion in ‘I Belong To You’.  After that Tochi and Die start planning a new future that involves also Vinushka. </p>
<p>Midsummer magic has also a major role in this story. Mikko teaches the essentials to Shinya who turns out to be a very eager student…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The registration ceremony

# Kaoru

## The registration ceremony (1)

      “Calm down, you idiot!” I frowned at my reflection in the hotel bathroom mirror and tried to get my tie straight. “There is no reason to panic. It’s just a little ceremony with your closest friends. You can do it!”  It was Thursday morning, 19th of June 2014, my wedding day – the day I had waited for three months now. I needed Perttu here. He was such a happy and relaxed person. Besides he knew how to tame my tie. But he hadn’t arrived yet although we had agreed that he’d be here at nine o’clock sharp.

       Just when I had surrendered to my tie I heard a knock on my door. When I opened it, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. I had a prince of fairy tales waiting at my doorstep. Perttu’s light brown hair, that looked now even lighter than normal, flowed down to his shoulders in soft waves. He wore a light eye makeup and golden earrings. A similar type pendant was glowing on his chest in between the frills of his lace shirt. “Can I come in?” he finally asked when I was just gaping at him.

       “You’re unbelievable!” I whispered and grabbed the prince in my arms.

       “And you’re handsome”, he smiled at me and gave me a kiss. “But your tie is crooked.”

       “Yeah, I know. I’m not good with ties and dressing up.”

      He helped me to get my tie in order and after that we headed downstairs to the hotel lobby where our small party consisting of Dir En Grey and Apocalyptica members and Vinushka was waiting for us. They were all dressed up in their best. The registration ceremony would take place in Local Register Office of Helsinki at ten o’clock in the morning. The place was located close to our hotel so we decided to walk there as the weather was sunny and warm.  The street of Helsinki were quieter than normal. Maybe people had already escaped to their summer cottages to celebrate the coming Midsummer.

       “Did you remember to pick up the rings?” I asked Perttu panicking again.

        “Oh, I completely forgot”, he gasped and pretended to look horrified. “Relax, man. They are here in my pocket”, he sneered and tapped the front of his Italian design jacket. Jesus, the guy had nerves of steel.

      The small office was packed with people when our friends wanted to witness the great moment. The ceremony was performed by the Director of the Register Office. He was a friendly old gentleman who gave us a warm speech about the rights and obligations of the partnership and wished us happiness and long lasting love. We were both moved to tears when we finally exchanged the rings and signed the registration document with the Director of the Register Office.

      This was it. I had finally got my prince. I gave Perttu a long and gentle kiss feeling extremely happy and grateful to Anna who had made all this possible.  After the ceremony our friends rushed to congratulate us kissing and hugging us with tears in their eyes. I think they were all happy for us and wanted our relationship to succeed in spite of the difficulties caused by geography and professional engagements. I was relieved when the official part of the day was over and it was time to head for the wedding reception close to Turku. Before that we would have the official wedding picture taken at the same studio we had used in March to take the engagement photos.


	2. Can't wait

## Can’t wait (2)

      The feeling was unbelievable when I finally sat on the back seat of Perttu’s car with him. He was mine and I was his and we had the rest of our lives to spend together doing things we loved. The idea of a common future was mind blowing. By the age of forty I had already got used to the idea that I was a loner, no wife or kids or any of that normal stuff people had. I had been married to my work and for a long time I thought that was enough. But when I kissed Perttu in Tokyo after our sauna evening, I realized that there was something I had missed…love.

      Today he was sitting by my side fooling around as usual, kissing and cuddling me like a child. First I had thought that he was just showing off, but now I knew he was really like that. He was a very physical person who needed to touch and be touched and caressed. Maybe he was sometimes mistaking me for his cello.

      The separation after our engagement in March had been painful for both of us, but I think Perttu was suffering more due to his physical needs. Talking over the phone wasn’t very satisfying. Once we even had sex over the phone. He masturbated and I told him what I wanted him to do. He whispered his instructions to me while I was doing it. The relief was there, his voice was there, but he wasn’t. I needed to feel him, his skin and his hands.

     The black cloud of the coming separation hovered in my mind even now although we had still several days to spend together. It made me concentrate on him only. It was going to be hard to wait the whole evening for our wedding night. I had decided that I could do it, but I wasn’t sure about Perttu. He was hard as a stone and wriggling with lust when I caressed him on the back seat.  I just had to ask our driver Vinushka and Kyo to stop on a small side road and have a little walk in the surrounding countryside.

      When they had gone sneering at us, I opened Perttu’s fly and let his gorgeous dick out in the open. He was throbbing of lust. I took his dick into my hands and licked away the drops on its head. He groaned, pushed his fingers into my hair and started fucking my mouth until I was almost choking. I didn’t complain - I would do anything for him.

      He shot his sperm into my mouth and collapsed on the seat groaning something in Finnish. “Sorry and thanks! I couldn’t have waited the whole evening”, he whispered still out of breath.

      “I guessed that”, I sneered at him and kissed him after he had his clothes decently back on. We were still kissing when Kyo and Vinushka returned from their walk. Judging by Vinushka’s red cheeks their walk had been as passionate as our moment in the car.


	3. The wedding reception

# Anna

## The wedding reception (3)

      I didn’t attend the registration ceremony because Vinushka was there with Kyo. But I definitely wanted to be present at the wedding reception although Vinushka would also attend. I thought I could manage my two bodies and splitting of my mind between them well enough not to cause any problems at the reception.

      I travelled to the wedding party in Mikko’s car together with Die and Tochi. I had never been in such a handsome company before. Die and Tochi both were dressed in new suits that had probably been bought just for this occasion. Tochi’s suit was his favourite colour blue and Die’s was dark graphite grey with light silver stripes. They were a stunning couple together. Okay, maybe they looked more sophisticated than they really were.

      I was sitting at the front seat and talking with Mikko. I could see him smile when he heard the constant prattle and bursts of laughter from the back seat. “Are Dies jokes really that good?” he finally asked me as he knew that I understood Japanese.

      “Not really”, I admitted and tried to hide my smile. “That’s what you get, when you put two lovely idiots together.” 

      The small community house was already packed with guests when we arrived there. The guest list of the wedding reception had turned out to be longer than first planned. Perttu had of course invited his closest relatives and the families of Apocalyptica members. He had also many friends that insisted to participate when they heard about his engagement.  Dir En Grey, Vinushka and me represented Kaoru, who would present Perttu to his friends and relatives in a reception at Tokyo a bit later.

      The just married couple stood on the stairs welcoming all guests arriving to their party. I had seldom seen Kaoru wear a suit but this time he had one and it made him look gorgeous. The suit was black and tight fitting, probably Italian design. The jacket was a bit longer than normal and he was wearing high heel shoes, which made him slightly taller than Perttu.  His long wavy hair flowed down on his shoulders like a lion’s mane. He was an epitome of a premium Japanese male.

       Perttu had also a black suit, but the cut was different. He had a liking to renaissance type clothing and that was visible in his suit and shirt selection. The shirt under the otherwise tight fitting jacket was a combination of silk and lace flowing freely over the jacket and leaving his chest partly exposed. His long brown hair had lighter stripes in it. He was just like the prince of old fairy tales.

      I was seated at the table where Kaoru and Perttu were sitting with Eicca’s family and some of Perttu’s relatives. I was considered now a representative of Dir En Grey. Kaoru had told my weird story to Perttu during his Tokyo visit and he had explained the situation to the rest of Apocalyptica. I had briefly met with Eicca and his wife Kirsi at a dinner in June before the wedding. Kirsi had been extremely interested in my talents as a spirit traveller and had made me describe in detail how it was done. She was some years younger than me but maybe she wanted also a younger co-body like Vinushka.

      After all the speeches and a delicious dinner we had live music played by a small band consisting of Eicca’s and Kirsi’s musician friends. Actually Kirsi was going to sing some songs from her new album tonight. When everybody was at the dance floor Kirsi sat by me and started ask questions about my spirit travelling again. She was intrigued by Vinushka who was now very pregnant and dancing with Die.

      “Vinushka has made love with Kyo. Can you feel it like you were there yourself?” she asked looking intrigued.

      “Yes, if I want to, but I can also shut her off”, I replied trying to sound neutral.

       “Have you done it yourself with Kyo?” she suddenly continued her very intimate questions.

      “Yes I have. He doesn’t mind me being older than he is.”

      Kirsi gazed at me for a second. “You look beautiful. I wouldn’t mind either.”

       I was puzzled by her little remark but forgot it soon when it was her turn to perform her songs.

      Later in the evening I saw Kirsi dancing with Tochi. She was fully absorbed in the beautiful man holding her in his arms.  I saw them leave the dance floor and head out probably to have some fresh air. I started to wonder what was going on when I saw Tochi return half an hour later but Kirsi wasn’t with him anymore.

      I had an uneasy feeling about it so I stood up and walked out to look for her. I loved the seashore so I headed there to start my search. It didn’t take long before I detected her slim figure sitting on a bench facing the sea. When I got closer I could see that everything wasn’t like it should. She was crying. I sat beside her on the bench and put my arm around her.

      “What is it? Why are you crying? Did Tochi hurt your feelings?” I asked guessing what this was all about. She had a crush on Tochi but he loved Die and maybe still Eicca. No chance there…

      “Yes he did, but it was all my fault. I pushed him too far.”

      “Just forget him. He’s completely obsessed with Die nowadays”, I advised her.

      “Maybe you’re right. I’m sorry I was such a fool.”

      “I know, Tochi is sometimes too much for me too”, I confessed and dried her tears with my hand. I saw her shiver when a cool breeze blew from the sea. “Let’s go inside before you catch a cold”, I proposed and took her hand to lead her back to the house where the party was at its best.

\----

      I had great difficulties to sleep, when I finally had settled in my bed. Memories of Kirsi kept flashing in my mind - Kirsi crying, my hand around her shoulder and my hand in her hand.  Slowly the pictures changed from real memories to erotic dreams – Kirsi kissing me, caressing my skin, lying beside me her legs folded around my body. Finally I just couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed my fingers inside me and rubbed gently my clit until I exploded moaning silently her name. What was wrong with me? Was I fawning after a woman?


	4. The uncertain future

# Vinushka

## The uncertain future (4)

      We had agreed that I would drive the happy couple to the reception in Perttu’s car. Kyo was travelling on the front seat with me and Perttu and Kaoru at the back. I tried to concentrate in my discussion with Kyo but it was impossible to ignore the love and affection radiating from the couple on the back seat. They were either kissing and cuddling each other or gazing each other as if the other person was a miracle. They both knew that they had again a long separation ahead of them after Midsummer. There wasn’t time for any honeymoon but I think they were planning to spend a week in Hawaii later in the autumn.

     I couldn’t help wondering about my own situation. My pregnancy was progressing well and I didn’t have morning sickness anymore. Kyo hadn’t talked to me about his plans very much.  Maybe he wasn’t sure himself what he wanted. I had visited him in Tokyo in May when he had just published his first album Immortalis with Sukekiyo. His schedule was very busy with lots of promotion activities and concert performances. He had arranged his schedule so that we could have two days together. We wandered in parks and shrines, ate well, rested and enjoyed our love life. Kyo clearly needed to get out of the hassle for a while and we did just that. I was his private life that he didn’t want to share with his new band.

      I of course knew all Dir En Grey members and they knew me, but I only met Die once during my stay in Tokyo. He took me to have a lunch while Kyo was in one of his promotion interviews together with Yuchi. We talked about his relationship with Tochi. He was still worried about Tochi’s feelings. He hadn’t got over his longing for Eicca. I tried to assure him that these things take time, but I wasn’t sure Die bought the idea. Anyways I loved to be with him - he was an open and vulnerable person, easy to love. His smile always made my heart skip the beat. When we said goodbye I almost felt sorry that it wasn’t his child I was carrying. He’d make an excellent father, too.

      We had agreed that the baby would be born in Finland and I really hoped that Kyo could be around when that happened. He would visit Finland with Sukekiyo in September but there wasn’t much time he could spare for me then.  He had several concerts around Europe within short intervals. I decided that I would take a day at the time and would stop worrying about things I couldn’t change

       At the wedding reception I was delighted to see that I was seated at the same table with Die and Tochi. I couldn’t have more handsome company anywhere. Besides it was fun sitting with them: they had all kinds of crazy stories to share and Die liked to tell jokes. I think he was trying to keep Tochi’s thoughts away from Eicca.

      Later during the evening I asked Die to dance with me because Kyo didn’t like to dance. I could see Die was very concerned about what would happen when Tochi and Eicca were together again. I was concerned too. I had almost dropped my eyes in the morning when I saw Eicca for the first time. He looked almost ten years younger than before, a fabulous blond rocker. He wasn’t going to make things easy for Tochi.


	5. No more second tries

# Toshiya

## No more second tries (5)

      After spending three months in Tokyo with Die I would have thought I’d got Eicca out of my system, but I hadn’t.  When I saw him at the registration ceremony in his black silk suit I just couldn’t take my eyes off him.  He was a changed man; he’d lost a considerable amount of weight and his body was more trimmed I’d ever seen. He must have worked out really hard after our Lapland holiday. He still had my ring and I could see how he kept touching it like it was some kind of magic token. And his eyes were constantly on me. Every time I watched him he turned his grey eyes at me as if he could feel my gaze. We were like two walking time bombs waiting to explode.

      But Eicca wasn’t the only one watching me. His wife Kirsi hadn’t become pregnant in spite of our two passionate attempts at the end of March.  I guess she wanted to try again now that I was back in Finland. I wasn’t so keen to do that anymore. We had our plans with Die and Kirsi wasn’t part of them.

      So I tried to ignore her as politely as I could. I just imagined she wasn’t there and acted accordingly. That worked as long as she didn’t talk to me directly but unfortunately she finally got me cornered at the wedding reception late Thursday night.

      Die was dancing with Vinushka. I was idly watching the pairs on the dance floor and sipping my drink when Kirsi appeared at my table and asked me to dance. It would have been rude to refuse so I stood up and lead her on the dance floor. She was dangerously beautiful in her summer dress that exposed just the right parts of her body.

      “You look gorgeous. I’ve never seen you wear a suit before”, she complimented me when we were waiting on the dance floor for the music to start.

      “And you look lovely in your dress. Eicca can be proud of you.” I tried to remind her of her handsome husband that I unfortunately still wanted more than her. She ignored my reminder and concentrated all her female charm on me.

      ”It’s too hot in here. Can we go out for a walk?” she proposed and started to lead me through the crowd to the door. I didn’t resist. Maybe it was better to get things straightened once and for all now. I didn’t want to spend my short holiday here trying to avoid her.

      The community house, where we had our party, was located quite close to the seashore.  We took the short path leading to the beach house and the piers where we had our boats. We sat down on a wooden bench to admire the beautiful sea scenery. It was quiet, only the occasional screams of seagulls and the sound of waves breaking on the shore broke the silence. We were the only ones on the beach.

      “Can we try once again tonight? I will be sleeping alone in the first outbuilding.”

      “Sorry, I don’t think that’s a good idea anymore. I have other plans with Die”, I replied honestly.

      “Please, just this once”, she pleaded looking like she would burst into tears any minute.

      “No, I don’t want to. I did it because of Eicca, not because of you. I thought you understood that.” When I had made my point clear I stood up and excused myself from her company. I didn’t want to watch her cry.  I left her on the bench and walked back to the house to find Die. I sincerely hoped she would leave me alone after our discussion.


	6. A date with Eicca

## A date with Eicca (6)

      I didn’t find Die, but I bumped into Eicca when I was washing my hands in the toilet. I could somehow feel his gaze in my back and when I turned around, he was there. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes met his intensive grey gaze.

      “That suit looks gorgeous on you”, he purred like he was going to devour me as a dessert. He was confident of himself and his new body and I just couldn’t resist him. “Can I meet you tonight after the reception?” he asked and brushed away a red hair that had clung to my shoulder during my dance with Kirsi.

      “Sure, I’ll be sleeping in the second outbuilding.” Paavo had given us all written instructions and a map to find our sleeping quarters at his summer house.  The map had our names on it so I knew where I could find my band mates if I needed them.

      “Okay, I will come and see you later. I will phone you before that”, he promised, turned and walked away.

      I had a date with Eicca and I was excited like a school girl. What was wrong with me?

\----

      The official part of the wedding reception ended at midnight when the married couple and we, their band mates, headed for Paavo’s summer house on a close by island.  Other guests, most of which were Perttu’s relatives and friends, stayed to continue the party. They would spend the night in a small hotel close by.  We needed several transport rounds to get to the island as there were so many of us. Paavo and Eicca had their families with them and Dir En Grey team was also large if Anna and Vinushka were included.

      I headed to my sleeping quarters alone. Die was keeping his distance from me and was spending time mostly with Vinushka or Shinya. He probably wanted to give me some space and time to sort out my feelings towards Eicca. He knew how difficult leaving Eicca had finally been for me.  I had talked with him several times over the phone after my return to Tokyo. He was suffering and that made _me_ suffer.  We talked and talked and cried together trying to forget our love. The knowledge that we would meet again at Midsummer had probably saved us both from a complete mental crash. Now I would finally have a chance to meet him in private. I needed to know if I could keep my decision to leave him for good.

      I changed into my pyjama bottoms and an old sleeveless t-shirt and walked over to the well to fetch some water with a big water can. I needed to freshen up properly so I decided to take a swim in the sea before going to bed. I took my towel with me and headed for the beach to take quick dip. My swim didn’t take very long - the seawater was still freezing cold. Anyway I got refreshed and walked back to my outhouse to wait for Eicca.

      Just when I had crawled into bed under the warm duvet my phone buzzed. Eicca’s voice sounded anxious when he told me that his wife was having some kind of problem and needed him to take care of her. A surge of frustration and disappointment filled my mind. This must be Kirsi’s revenge because I had turned her down tonight, I thought, but of course I couldn’t tell that to Eicca. He was probably as disappointed as I was.

      “That’s okay. We can meet tomorrow, if she feels better at that time”, I said wanting to sound positive but maybe he could hear the tears in my voice.

      “Let’s do that. I’m so sorry for this”, he whispered and closed the phone before I had a chance to say anything more.

        I didn’t want to spend the night alone so I called Die. He sounded drunk when he took my call. I wasn’t sure he was alone. I thought I heard Shinya’s voice but I wasn’t sure. “Hi baby, would you like to come over and spend the night with me?” I asked although he probably was too drunk to do anything more than sleep.

      “I thought you’d be with Eicca tonight”, he blurted and sounded surprised.

      “He couldn’t make it tonight so I’ll probably meet him tomorrow”, I explained and waited for his response.

      “Sorry but I can’t come right now. I promised to take care of Shinya. Seeing Paavo’s family was a bit too much for him”, he finally replied.

      I knew the feeling. “That’s fine. Take care of Shinya”, I said and closed the phone. This really wasn’t my night.


	7. A gorgeous morning

## A gorgeous morning (7)

      The morning of Midsummer’s Eve looked absolutely gorgeous when I peeked out of my door and sniffed the fresh sea air. The sky was bright blue, small puffs of white clouds were drifting with the wind and it was warm already in the morning.  I decided that this was going to my day. I put on my jeans, threw a towel on my shoulder and headed for the beach to have a morning swim. I was walking bare foot and I had to watch my feet not to step on any of the numerous pine cones lying everywhere on the ground.

      When I reached the pier, I was surprised to find Eicca there. He was swimming free style with long fluid strokes at some distance from the pier.  “Just jump in and swim over here!” he shouted when he noticed me. I stripped off my jeans and used the stairs to get into the water. It was even colder that yesterday after a cool night. I tried to keep my teeth from chattering and swam over to Eicca. “Jeez, you’re almost blue. Maybe it’s better to return to the pier.” I was glad he didn’t ask me to swim any further. I really wasn’t used to this low water temperature.

      When I climbed out of the water, he was waiting on the pier with his towel on his waist and mine in his hand. I watched his body that was now much slimmer and more muscular than I’d ever seen. “You look fabulous”, I complimented him as I took my towel from his waiting hand.

      “And you look much better with a little more weight”, he smiled and stepped closer after I had dried myself. He gazed me with his intensive grey eyes. I knew that look very well – he wanted me. He grabbed me in his arms and held me so tight I thought I couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t come yesterday. I was dying to see you!” he breathed in my ear and kissed the side of my neck. When his lips touched mine it was like electric storm had been sent through my body. All memories of our love making, kisses and touches came back to me in a huge surge of joy and passion. I hadn’t forgotten our love, I had just tried not to remember.

      “It shouldn’t be like this anymore”, he sighed when he released me from his passionate kiss. “It feels too good.” I hadn’t time to reply because I heard screams and sounds of running feet from the direction of the house. Shinya and Die were running towards the shore like maniacs with only their towels on. I guess they had a competition who’d be the first one in the water. They didn’t stop running when they saw us standing on the pier. They just rushed by us, threw their towels on the pier and jumped into the sea screaming. I think it was Shinya who won the race.

      Eicca had released me from his embrace when he heard the guys coming but he still held my hand as a symbol of his ownership.  I let him do that but I couldn’t help longing also for Die who was frolicking in the water with Shinya. “Join us for a breakfast in the main house”, I shouted to them after I had put my clothes on. Eicca took my hand again and we headed together for the house to find something to eat.

      Paavo’s whole family and Anna were up already and sitting at an ancient looking long table that was flanked with long benches on both sides. We joined their three kids sitting on the bench closest to us and grabbed some coffee and bread for breakfast. The boy who was sitting next to me looked very curious and was eying at me constantly while I ate. Finally he collected his courage and presented himself. “Hi, my name is Okko, you must be Toshiya?” His English was already much better than mine.

      “Yes, I am and I play bass in Dir En Grey”, I replied.

      “We’ve been watching your concerts on DVD’s, or actually dad has, a lot…”, he added and sneered at Paavo, who looked a bit embarrassed.

      “Shinya and Die will join us also in a moment. They went swimming first”, I continued to mention the real reason why Paavo was watching the DVD’s. “Shinya plays drums and Die guitar. Are you playing some instrument yourself?” I asked to find out why he was so interested.

      “No, but I’d like to try playing drums just for fun. It looks like very hard work. Shinya is so small and still he can play unlike anyone else. I admire him….”

      This was interesting. Shinya had to fans in this family. 

      Just when he had finished his sentence, we heard a knock on the door and Shinya and Die joined our party. I smiled at Die hoping that he wasn’t angry with me. Judging by the dazzling smile he returned to me he wasn’t.

      “Shinya dresses a lot as a woman”, the boy continued, talking to me but staring at Shinya, who wasn’t paying attention to us. “He was very beautiful in some of the pictures I’ve seen.  I like Yokan, the video were you all were dressed in white. That is really cool.”

      “We all dressed up during our first years. That was part of the Visual Kei style. Actually we had a VK party last January in Tokyo.  You should have seen Perttu then. He was absolutely gorgeous.”

      “I’d like to see dad dressed up as a woman”, he snickered.

      “No, you wouldn’t”, Paavo assured him. “I was actually dressed as a pirate and Eicca was our captain.”

      Our newly married couple joined us as we were finishing our breakfast. They looked happy and relaxed. “Pregnant yet?” Eicca asked and winked his eye at Perttu, who blushed. If anyone could make him pregnant, it was Kaoru. With his willpower and love for Perttu he could make anything happen.

      “Have you any pictures from the Visual Key party?” Okko asked Perttu. Tochi told us that you looked gorgeous dressed up as a woman.”  I could see that Perttu was startled at first but then he obviously decided that it wasn’t a big secret anymore. “Actually I have picture book Eicca made for us last March. I will show you that some time. But you should have seen Tochi….”

      Before leaving the house we agreed the schedule and task for the day. There was a habit of burning bonfires at Midsummer night. We would have to build them during the day and then of course heat up the sauna. I volunteered together with Eicca and Die for the bonfire project and Shinya would join Paavo and Mikko in heating up the sauna. This was our first Midsummer celebration and we were all excited about the magic things happening during that night. I had my own magic coming up with Eicca – I didn’t need anything more.

     


	8. An unpleasant surprise

## An unpleasant surprise (8)

      There were two places on the shore that were regularly used to burn bonfires. Our team selected the one that suited best considering the current wind direction. Luckily the terrain wasn’t very dry so the fires were allowed this year. Paavo had collected dry wood from different sources during the year. It was our task to transport it from the old shed it was stored in and build a high heap that would burn handsomely at night. Paavo came to give instructions and of course Eicca knew the tricks how to build a bonfire that wouldn’t collapse before setting it on fire.

      I had a nice time with my two lovers. Die was today exceptionally playful and had all kinds of crazy ideas what to do with the material we had. As usual I encouraged him and participated myself in his playing. Eicca frowned at our fooling around but didn’t say anything. He wanted to be there to take care of his interests. So he toiled and we played - a bit.

      When our bonfire had passed Paavo’s scrutiny we headed for a swim to clean ourselves and then for an afternoon coffee. Our small team was sitting under the shade of an old apple tree and drinking coffee with rhubarb pie Anna had baked.  I must admit I hadn’t felt this good for ages. I loved the weather and the quietness, the fresh smell of the sea air and of course my men, both of them.

      After the coffee Eicca promised to show me the island.  Die headed back to his outbuilding, he probably didn’t want to hang out with us as a third wheel. The island wasn’t very large so it was easy to walk around it and admire the beautiful sea sceneries. There was a high cliff in the middle of the island so we decided to climb on top of it to take a look around. I had my iPhone with me to take pictures of this beautiful place. Eicca kissed me when we reached the top. The sea wind was blowing his blond hair around our faces. His hands caressed the bare skin on my back and I let my fingers wander on his chest. I was getting too excited…

       I was startled by voices that seemed to come from somewhere close, but I couldn’t see anybody.  I peeked down the abrupt face of the cliff and noticed that there was a path just at the base of the rock wall.  Shinya and Die were walking there and admiring the same cliff from below. Just when I looked they stopped and Die grabbed Shinya in his arms kissing him. He nailed Shinya against the rock wall and started to caress his behind with his hands. They were probably going to make love. I felt sick of jealousy, I just couldn’t watch them anymore.

      “What is it?” Eicca asked when he saw my pained expression. I grabbed his hand and started to lead him down the path we had used to climb up. I had tears in my eyes and I didn’t want him to see them. When we were down on the forest path again I was calm enough to say something to Eicca. “I saw Die and Shinya kissing down on the path. I think they were going to make love.”

      Eicca took me in his arms to comfort me. “They have a quite long track record as friends and lovers. We all have our history - Die has his with Shinya, I have mine with Kirsi and you have yours with Kyo.  We just have to live with it and accept our past as a part of us.”

        “I know that, but it just hurts so much to see them together”, I replied and tears started again flowing down my cheeks. Eicca held me in his arms quietly caressing my back and hair as if comforting a child.

      I needed to spend some time alone to recover from what I had just seen. Before going our separate ways we agreed that Eicca would spend the magic night with me after burning of the bonfires.  I walked to my outbuilding and lied down on my bed to think about my relationship with Die.  I browsed through the many pictures I had taken of him at Tokyo.  In the first pictures he looked tired and somehow worn out, but picture by picture he was getting younger and healthier. He was definitely doing better with me. I loved him as my friend and a lover, but my love for him wasn’t consuming me like it did with Eicca. My mind rested with him and I felt safe. I hadn’t been afraid of losing him until now. I knew that by spending this night with Eicca I was risking my future with Die, but I just had to find out…


	9. Comforting Shinya

# Die

## Comforting Shinya (9)

      I was worried when I saw that Shinya and Mikko had been placed at the same table with Paavo’s family. Shinya hadn’t met his wife and kids before and I knew how difficult it was for him to get acquainted with people. He did much better with animals - he just loved everything that walked on four legs. His short love affair with Paavo didn’t make things easier. When I happened to walk by, I could see he hadn’t eaten much and he wasn’t enjoying his company at the table. When I was dancing with Vinushka I saw him walk out and I didn’t see him come back. After an hour I just had to go after him and see where he had gone. I found him at the beach sitting on the pier. I sat beside him to admire the beautiful evening and the calm sea. He didn’t take much notice of me. “How are you doing?” I finally asked when he didn’t react to my presence in any way.

      I could see the empty look in his eyes and immediately thought of Tochi and the horrible Saturday night at Vuokatti. “Would you like to come inside with me? It’s getting cool out here.” I could see that he was shivering in his thin coat. I folded my arm around his shoulder and drew him closer to warm him up.

      “Oh, it you”, he finally seemed to wake up. “Thanks for coming.”

      “What is it?” I asked feeling very anxious. He clearly wasn’t himself at all.

      “I feel so bad and I don’t understand why”, he whispered and finally a tear rolled down his cheek. Then suddenly he started crying, silently like Tochi had cried.  I held him and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I will keep you company tonight if you want to”, I proposed. I just couldn’t leave him by himself in this condition. Besides Tochi probably wanted to meet Eicca tonight and I was free to do what I wanted. Just now Shinya was my top priority.

       I took Shinya to my room when we finally got our transport to Paavo’s island.  I offered him and myself a shot of whisky to warm him up and relax after a long day. I tried not to think about Tochi and Eicca but I couldn’t help it. The pictures just kept coming into my mind. So I took another shot to drive the kisses and the love making away. Shinya wasn’t used to stiff drinks so he was very tipsy after our second shot and started to giggle about how he’d wanted to crawl under the table and give Paavo a fantastic blow job. He was just describing the details of his plan when my phone rang. I was surprised to see that it was Tochi. I waived my hand at Shinya to shut him up but he didn’t care. I had to take the call so I stood up and turned my back at him.

      Tochi was asking me to spend the night with him. Oh shit, this wasn’t happening. I was too drunk and Shinya needed me. I just had to tell Tochi that I couldn’t come although I wanted that more than anything.  I explained him the situation with Shinya and he seemed to grasp quite fast that I was needed here. I was almost angry with Shinya when Tochi closed the phone. The feeling didn’t last very long when Shinya crawled into my lap and wanted to give me the blow job he had planned for Paavo.  I tried to propose that he’d go to sleep but he insisted. So we crawled into bed and he did what he wanted with me. I must admit he was good at it.


	10. A race

## A race (10)

      It was nice to wake up with Shinya in my arms. In some respects he was like a child. He liked to be cuddled, safe and close to me. He had the softest lips in the world and he loved my dick. Those were two very good reasons to wake up with him on a beautiful morning of Midsummer’s Eve.

      “How are you feeling?” I asked when he finally seemed to be stirring awake from his sleep. He looked first a bit confused but crawled then closer to me.

      “Nice to wake up with you”, he mumbled and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “Did I cause you problems last night?” he asked and frowned a bit. Obviously he didn’t remember much of what had happened.

      “No, your plans to give Paavo a blow job remained only plans, if that’s what you’re worrying”, I reassured him and caressed his cheek with my fingers. But you gave one to me. That was very nice.”

      “Was it, really?” he asked and sounded very pleased. I could feel his slim body coming alive against mine. His body was absolutely wonderful.  I loved his narrow waist, broad shoulders and tight muscles on his arms. I let my hand glide on the curve of his hip and then took his hard dick into my hand squeezing it gently.

    “Would you like to fuck me or is it my turn?” I asked and kissed his forehead, cheek and finally his lips. Actually this would be the first time for me with Shinya like that. I knew he was a gentle lover so I wasn’t afraid to offer myself to him.

      “I don’t have anything with me”, he whispered,” Can I borrow your stuff?” he asked a bit embarrassed. I dug up a condom and a lube from my necessities bag and handed them to him. This was a new situation for me and I felt slightly nervous.

     “I’ll be careful”, he promised and that’s what he was. I relaxed once he was inside me and I felt his firm body moving against my back. He wasn’t too big and he took it very slowly not to hurt me. It felt like we were doing it for ages. I enjoyed his every movement and I felt my tension grow until I was like bomb about to explode.

     “Please, make me come!” I begged him when I couldn’t take his slow torture anymore. He was at the edge of his own climax –in a second he erupted inside me and I came into his hand moaning of my almost unbearable pleasure.

     “Holy shit. That was the best thing that ever happened”, I whispered wanting to fall asleep again. Probably we both did, but finally I felt him withdraw himself from inside me. He rested beside me caressing my back and behind with his hand.

      “I love your ass, too”, he smiled. I already knew he loved my dick so now I was loved on both sides.

       “Should we go and have a morning swim?” I proposed. The washing facilities in these outbuildings were non-existent. You either washed yourself in sauna or in the sea.

      “I bet I’m the first one in the sea” Shinya said, jumped up and grabbed a towel around him and rushed out of the door. It took a couple of seconds for me to realize that he was gone, but then I rushed after him. He had probably waited for me because he wasn’t very far ahead of me as I ran the stairs down. But he was a better runner than me. To my surprise I saw Tochi and Eicca standing on the pier and holding each other. Eicca released Tochi when he heard us coming but he still held Tochi’s hand.

     Shinya didn’t care about them. He jumped into the water screaming as the cold water swallowed his body. I followed his example as I didn’t want to disturb Eicca’s and Tochi’s reunion.  Tochi watched our swimming and water splashing for a while and turned then to walk to the house with Eicca. He asked us to follow them to breakfast.

We didn’t have any clothes with us so we had to return to our quarters to put something on. We were hungry as wolves when we entered the main building for breakfast.


	11. My first spirit travel with Anna

# Kyo

## My first spirit travel with Anna (11)

      I admired Vinushka as she was driving our car towards Turku. She looked very beautiful in her skilfully applied makeup and her hair done. I wasn’t used to seeing her so festive. She seemed to be absorbed in her thoughts – only now and then she pointed things worth seeing on the roadside.

      Her pregnancy was already very visible and she wasn’t trying to hide it. Her dress allowed full visibility to her beautifully rounded body. She hadn’t gained much extra weight during her pregnancy. She looked healthy and happy to be the mother of my child. I was grateful to have her here by my side after being close to losing her for good.

     I had been extremely worried about Vinushka and the baby after our holiday in March. I talked several times over the phone with Anna about her problems to summon Vinushka back to this world. Close to the end of April, when I was extremely busy with the release of Sukekiyo’s new album, she called me late at night. She was almost hysterical when she told me that she couldn’t summon her back. We had discussed about my mental gifts and Anna was certain that I could help her by combining our powers. So I tried to calm her down and proposed that we’d try to summon her together.  She advised me how to concentrate and what I could expect when I found her. She had no idea what would happen if we both ended up inside her. We might damage her or drive her crazy.

      We matched our clocks and agreed the time when she would start to summon her. I would join her some seconds later so that she would have a head start. I have never been so scared in my life when I closed the phone and waited for the right moment to come. It wasn’t easy to follow Anna’s instructions but I tried. She had described me in detail the feelings of sinking through the bed and floating in a grey mist and then finding something like felt like a black hole you wanted to sink into. At that point I should stop. I shouldn’t go inside her.

      I almost panicked when I thought I’d suffocate in the smoke looking haze that surrounded me. She had warned me about the feeling but when it really happened I nearly lost my nerve.  Just when I was going to give up I felt something touching me. Anna was with me. “I think I have found her”, I heard her voice in my head. “I will join her and you can go back. Thanks for helping me.”

      I was relieved when I found myself in my own bed safe and sound. The phone rang after about five minutes. I was exhausted, but I had to answer to find out what had happened.

       “She’s back”, I heard Anna’s tired voice at the other end on the line.

      “Is she okay? I asked worried that I had harmed her somehow.

      “Yes, she’s okay and the baby is fine. You did a great job in helping me.”

      “Are you okay yourself?” I asked knowing how tired I was myself at the moment.

      “I can manage”, she promised in her usual determined manner that I admired so much.

      “I think we should talk more about this after we both have rested a while”, I proposed. I really needed to sleep. So we agreed a call for next day and I closed my eyes satisfied in the results of my first spirit travel with Anna.

\----

        I had difficulties to believe what had happened during last night when I woke up in the morning and everything looked completely normal. I checked my phone: Anna’s calls were there so I hadn’t dreamt about it. I was about to call her when I realized that she was sleeping. The six hours’ time difference was sometimes really troublesome.

      My newly found capability to spirit travel made me think about all kinds of weird possibilities. But then I realized that there was also a downside to it. Anna had told me that she sometimes wished that she hadn’t started the whole spirit travelling thing at all. Now we were in a situation which was completely unforeseen. Her spirit travelling might have even fatal consequences. So I tried to forget my gifts for the time being and concentrated on my daily responsibilities as a Sukekiyo member.

      Anna called me in the afternoon when she had started her day well rested. She wanted to know if I had managed to sleep after my first spirit travel. Actually I had slept like a log. She was satisfied but warned me not to do anything hasty alone. I might end in a real trouble and we had enough of that with Vinushka.

     We discussed about Vinushka’s visit in Tokyo. My daily program was extremely tight but I wanted her near me for a while. We agreed about the visit schedule and Anna promised to let me know if she needed my help in getting her here in Tokyo. I wasn’t yet ready to introduce her to the other Sukekiyo members. She probably wanted to see at least Die during her stay. They had formed some kind of bond in Vuokatti that was hard for me to understand. Die loved Tochi and maybe still Eicca but Vinushka’s role was unclear. Maybe I was just a bit jealous but I could live with that. She was the mother of my child and deserved love and support also from other people.

        Besides I wasn’t exactly true myself. I had these feelings towards Uta. I couldn’t help wanting him although I knew I shouldn’t. But my body reacted every time he was near me - he burned me like he was fire. I could feel his presence without looking at him as if we were tuned to the same frequency. What worried me was the resonance – What would happen if we touched or kissed? Would that unleash an energy that would harm us both?

         Just when Vinushka was supposed to arrive in Tokyo Anna called me to tell good news. She hadn’t had any difficulties to summon Vinushka after my interference. She had an interesting theory about that. Maybe the baby had opposed her but not me. When we both had been there the baby had accepted also Anna as caller and didn’t resist her anymore. That sounded like a reasonable explanation to me. I was proud of myself. My child loved me already now and accepted me as the father.


	12. An unexpected visit to Tokyo

## An unexpected visit to Tokyo (12)

      I was prepared to spend the night alone after the wedding reception. The day had been demanding for Anna. She was planning to let Vinushka go so that she could rest and after that bring her back for our Midsummer party. Just when I was preparing to go to bed I got a call from Japan. It was Uta who wanted to know how I was doing. It was morning in Tokyo and he sounded very energetic. I told him that the party had been very nice and today it would be the time for Midsummer magic. He laughed and asked if I was going to make any to see our future. The word _our_ sounded very good to me. I didn’t know what to say to him without embarrassing myself. So I told him I was writing some new poems and would like show them to him once I had completed them.

      I was very restless when I tried to fall asleep after his call. I wanted so very much to see him. I lied on my bed thinking about him, how he was on his way to a promotion event together with Yuchi. Without even trying I was suddenly on my way to Tokyo floating through the grey blur and ending in front of a building that he was just entering. I wasn’t in a body, just a spirit following him.

      Uta and Yuchi were having an interview of a Japanese rock magazine. I was very proud of their performance. We had a good team that could handle also PR-work without difficulty. I myself had always had problems to tolerate the sometimes idiotic questions of reporters.

      After the interview Uta stopped to make a call and waited in front of the building. In a couple of minutes he met a woman, a girlfriend maybe? They hugged and kissed and started walking away from me. At that moment I realized that I didn’t want to know more.

      In my bed I remembered Anna’s warnings. The knowledge was power, like a drug, but it was also pain. Did I want to know things I wasn’t supposed to know? My conclusion was the same as Anna’s: I didn’t. So I decided to stop right there. But I already had got my punishment: I kept seeing pictures of Uta kissing the woman and looking happy with her. What did he want from me? Why was he calling me? I rolled in my bed half a night without sleep and hated myself and my gifts more than anything.


	13. New poems

## New poems (13)

      I slept late next morning as my bad conscience had ruined my sleep for most of the night. I laid in my bed listening to birds singing and wind whooshing in the trees. It was so quiet. I could stay in a place like this forever. I hated the stupid interviews and overly eager fans.  I just wanted to make music with Sukekiyo and Dir en Grey. That’s what I loved in addition to writing, drawing and photography.

      Now I wanted to write about this silence, the wind and the sea. I put on my clothes and headed out to the seashore with my notebook and a pencil. Maybe I could draw something too. I took my phone with me just in case someone wanted to call me. I selected a secluded place protected by high cliffs. I could hear voices further away. Eicca, Die and Tochi were building a bonfire for the evening.  Die and Tochi seemed to have a good time judging by their laughter. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sunshine and cool breeze from the sea. I waited for the words to come – they always did when I felt like this.

      I had written for about an hour when I noticed I was hungry. I had forgotten my breakfast. I headed for the main house to find something to eat. Anna was there cleaning the table when I entered. “Is there something left for a hungry poet?” I asked and walked over to her. She smiled - she was definitely pleased to see me.

     “There’s always something for my favourite guy” she replied and handed me a coffee mug.  I poured myself a cup of coffee and took some Karelian pies Anna had retrieved from the fridge together with a strawberry yoghurt.

      “How was your party last night?” I asked remembering that she had been sitting together with Kirsi most of the evening.

      “Kirsi was very interested in my spirit travelling. She wanted to know every possible detail about it. She also asked if you had made love with me, I mean as Anna. You obviously had fucked Vinushka.”

      “What did you tell her?” I asked feeling curious.

      “I said you didn’t mind fucking older women”, she sneered and ruffled my hair with her hand.

      “I don’t”, I replied and grabbed her hand to draw her closer. “Would you like to come and see my new poems?” I asked trying to look innocent. I guessed that she guessed what I was thinking.

      “Why not. Let’s clean the table first.”

      I _did_ show her my poems but also my secret weapon she loved so much. I was always surprised how passionate she was. We didn’t meet very often, but when we did, our love making was wonderful. I didn’t have the guts to tell her about my little spirit adventure in Tokyo last night. She would have been angry with me.


	14. The wedding night

# Kaoru

## The wedding night (14)

      The wedding reception was a blur of speeches, presents, food, music and dancing. We couldn’t waltz, so we decided to play our favourite song _Cradled in Love_ instead as a wedding waltz. I was afraid that I couldn’t control myself, but everything went well. I held Perttu in my arms and drowned myself in his eyes forgetting everything else around us.  We ended our dance in a long and gentle kiss. I took my second dance with Anna and Perttu danced with Kirsi.

      Perttu was now aware of Anna’s special role. Thanks to her gifts and desire to bring our two bands together we were now here. I thanked Anna once again while we were dancing. She had done so much for us without getting anything in return. Maybe a passionate relationship with Kyo was all she wanted.

      I was pretty much exhausted when we finally got into our boat and headed for Paavo’s summer house on a close by island. All I wanted was to crawl into bed with Perttu and fuck him out of his senses. He was still breathtakingly beautiful after a long day. His long hair brushed my cheek when the motor boat sped across the narrow straight separating the island from the mainland.  Perttu knew the place so he led me to our lodgings.  We had one of Paavo’s outbuildings all to ourselves. The place was decorated with a large banner stating “Just married”, young birches stood on both sides of the entrance and the door was decorated with a beautiful garland.

       I grabbed Perttu in my lap before we stepped over the threshold as was customary.  He giggled and kissed me before I had a chance to put him down. When I had done that we just stood there for a while holding each other close, enjoying the moment and the thought of spending the night together after our long separation.

       “I think we should go and have a quick wash in sauna or would you prefer a dip in the sea?” Perttu asked. I didn’t like the idea of swimming in the sea so we headed towards the sauna to check if there was any warm water there. As it happened somebody had been kind enough to warm up a big tub of water for us. I washed Perttu and he washed me – we both were turned on in the process. We covered our erections with the towels and hurried back to our room to make love.

      When we had closed the door behind us, Perttu removed his towel and let it drop on the floor. He was as ready as a man can be his dick pointing to the ceiling. “Can I fuck you first?” he asked surprising me. I had been prepared to play the game as usual, but now he wanted to reverse the roles. In our relationship I was the male and he was the female, but sometimes it was the other way around. Actually I loved that. Now Perttu was in the mood of being the male.

      My dick became a grade harder when he stepped behind me and started to caress first my back and then my chest with his hands and kissed the side of my neck.  “I love everything in you”, he whispered and bit my neck between his kisses. “I want to fuck you all night”, he murmured and pushed one of his fingers into my ass. I wriggled of lust. He was also in the mood of making me crazy.

      He made me put a condom on him and pushed me on the bed spreading my legs and started kissing my balls. Then he travelled to the top of my dick and sunk the head between his lips. His tongue caressed me until I whined of my desire.  Finally he released me and started to push himself slowly inside me. He was larger than I remembered or was it just my imagination. He wasn’t going to let me off the hook easily. He gazed me in the eye as he was moving inside me. “How does it feel to get Finnish dick Mr. Niikura?” he asked and bit me again before I had a chance to reply.

      “It feels mind-blowing”, I breathed. I was going to explode at any second now.  He wouldn’t last long either. I think I made it to the top first. I shot my load between our bodies and he shot his inside my ass collapsing on top of me like an angel had crash-landed from the sky.

      We had to clean ourselves before we’d be glued together with my stuff. Luckily be had a bucket full of water and a bowl available. Perttu wiped me dry with his towel and led us back to bed to continue. We lay in bed in each other’s arms like we did before our first love making at the Visual Kei party. I felt his body against mine – the feeling was still unlike anything else in this world.  At the time he didn’t have a beard or moustache so kissing him now was different.

      “This reminds me of the VK-party. You never told me how it felt to dress up as a woman. I remember you had nothing under the dress. It must have felt weird even no-one could see it?”

      “Yeah, it was exciting, especially when I knew I’d see you there. I was hard under the dress long before you noticed anything”, Perttu confessed.

     “I felt your erection when we danced. I wanted you so much that it made me almost mad. I still want you. Is it soon my turn to fuck you? I’d like to enjoy your wonderful behind still tonight.”

     “It’s all yours”, he promised with a twinkle in his eye and turned his back on me. He pushed his behind against my dick that was now getting harder every second. I run my hands on his tattooed arms and side and remembered how he had complimented me of my tattoos after our sauna evening in Tokyo. Now our tattoos were here mingled with each other. Maybe we should get some new ones that would mark us a pair forever.

      I buried my face into his thick blond hair and wondered if he really was an angel. Maybe God had just forgotten to give him wings. I brushed his hair aside to kiss the fair skin on his neck. This was it, he was mine and I loved him unlike anything in this world. I adored those sounds he made when he was getting close to exploding. His groaning guided me to do the things that felt best for him. To me fucking him was like being in heaven but I wanted him to enjoy as much as I did.

       I could feel his body arching of tension when he approached the top. He grabbed my hair with his hands tugging me closer to him. Then his dick started to pulse and he shot his sperm into my waiting hand. I didn’t need anything more to shoot my load into his lovely ass. My mind exploded into imaginary colours like gorgeous fireworks. This was the way I wanted to die, when I someday had to.


	15. Mrs. Niikura

# Perttu

## Mrs. Niikura (15)

      Waking up after a wedding night is a strange thing. You’re the same person and yet, you’re not. You belong to someone and maybe even your name is different now. Our registered relationship wasn’t technically a marriage but close to it. For example we didn’t have the right to take a common surname. I was still Perttu Kivilaakso, but I felt like Niikura. My husband Kaoru was still sleeping beside me his long hair spreading over the pillow and his tattooed arm resting on my chest. He was four years older than me and the leader and brains of Dir En Grey. The fans called him Kao-sama.

      In his youth he had been a breath-taking beauty. I loved to browse his old pictures in the internet. Now he was handsome, manly and an awesome guitar player.  I sometimes wondered what he saw in me. In many respects we were opposites; he was a serious and down to earth person while I was a childish artist who didn’t give a dam to business. We were like two pieces of a puzzle that looked like opposites but fitted perfectly together.

      Last night I had surprised him by making love to him and not vice versa. He wasn’t used to being fucked but I think he kind of liked it. Being the leader wasn’t always easy and sometimes it was nicer to be the one to succumb to your partner. Now I wanted to give him something that I knew he liked. I slid my hand down to his side to his hip and then to his balls and sleepy dick. He sighed and muttered something in Japanese. When I continued my caresses his dick woke up and he with it. He focused his dark brown Asian eyes on mine and smiled. “Good morning Mrs. Niikura”, he purred and raised his hand to caress my hair and face with his fingers. “How are you this morning?”

       “I’m fine but I’d like to suck your dick if that’s alright for you.”

      “I's all yours”, he replied borrowing the words I had used last night. I crawled under the blanket and took a firm grip on his dick that was now in full operational mode and as handsome as its owner. I slid my hand along the stem and licked the silky head. He sighed again as I pushed the head between my lips and started sucking him. He kicked the blanker away to see what I was doing. It clearly pleased him to see that I was doing this ultimate service to him. He grabbed my hair into his hands and fucked my mouth. He was trying to be careful but I knew it was hard to control the thrusts when you were approaching the climax. Finally he gave a sound that resembled a growl and shot his load into my mouth. There was a lot of it although we had done our best to empty our stores already yesterday. He was a productive guy in all respects.

      “I’m not Mrs.”, I protested to him when I had crawled back to his arms.

      “You don’t get the point – Niikura was the important word”, he remarked.

       “I know that and I love it, but please don’t call me Mrs. as I’m not a female.”

       “Sorry, I will call you Mr. Niikura from now on”, he consented and kissed my forehead.

      “I was thinking yesterday about our tattoos. Would you like to get a new one, somewhere below the waist?” he suddenly changed the subject.

      “That would be great. I’ve seen some pretty awesome things on people’s backs just above the buttocks or below the navel.  I’m rather hairy in front though, maybe the back would be better”

      “Yes, you are hairy”, he smirked and slid his hand on my skin from my dick to my navel and above it.   “After you left Tokyo I stared the pictures of your naked body my eyes sore. I couldn’t help noticing the hair and I kept wanting to hold you once again until I was almost crazy. That was awful.”

      “I know the feeling. I browsed your pictures and I just couldn’t believe my eyes. You were so gorgeous that it made me sick of longing.”

      His hand had done the trick on me once again; I had full blown erection. “Now look what you’ve done”, I complained pointing at my boner.

      “Sorry. I will correct my mistake ASAP”, he smiled and crawled down to suck my dick. I just loved the view of my man licking my candy. He was really good at it. Maybe he had practised it with Kyo, who was, for what I had heard, the real master of the art.

      We agreed to return to the matter of new tattoos during our next holiday together, that would most likely be in August. Now it would be time for breakfast and Midsummer’s Eve preparations. The life was wonderful.


	16. Me and my man

## Me and my man (16)

      At breakfast Eicca of course made a joke about our wedding night. I don’t know why, but his question about my pregnancy really hurt me. As a registered pair we had no right to adopt a child from outside. We’d have to find a suitable woman and have a child with her. If I was the biological father my mate could then adopt my child. I didn’t like the idea of having third parties involved, but I wanted to have a family with Kaoru.  Eicca had two and Paavo three kids so they probably didn’t realize how it felt to be left without.

      Paavo’s son surprised me with a question about dressing up as a woman. Tochi had told him about our Visual Kei party and mentioned especially me.  I was certainly proud of being recognized as a beauty, but I hadn’t told about it to anyone outside our two bands. Maybe that wasn’t a big secret any more, especially now that I was officially gay. I loved fancy clothes and being naked but I had never even dreamed about putting on something remotely feminine on stage. Tochi was wearing his skirts and looked absolutely gorgeous in them. Maybe I could also find a way to dress how I wanted without looking ridiculous. I should probably consult Tochi about that. He had an eye for beauty and style.

      I and Kaoru offered to take care of the Midsummer decorations of the main house and the two outbuildings. Paavo advised us a good place to pick up young birches that were used to decorate the entrances. We put on our wellingtons and took with us jackets, gloves and billhooks to cut the trees. Wellies and jackets were needed to protect us from snakes and ticks that were abundant on the islands. I couldn’t help admiring my long haired Japanese mate that looked absolutely fabulous in his heavy footwear, jeans and black T-shirt. He was walking before me pushing a trolley that we were going to use to transport the trees back to the house.

      A wide footpath was leading from our house to the north side of the island. The place we were heading was an old fishing harbour. The waters on that side of the island were deep, actually there was a shipping lane leading past our island there. It took us half an hour to reach the harbour. The wharf was still in good condition for ships to moor. There were a couple of storage houses close to the shoreline and some stands for drying the fishnets but otherwise the place was deserted. The scenery was absolutely beautiful –the sea glittering in sunshine, the seagulls sitting on the rocks or hovering over the sea creaming and fighting over their catch as usual. Both motor and sailboats were hurrying somewhere with lots of happy people on board.  They waved at us, two longhaired men standing on the wharf. Maybe they thought we were going fishing.

       It was easy to find the place Paavo had described to us. The ground was boggy and the place was overgrown with willows and birches. We put on our coats and gloves and started to look for suitable young trees to cut down. There were plenty but we settled at only six prime specimen. We carried them to our trolley, checked ourselves for ticks and headed back to the house.

      We used an iron bar to put up the birches on both sides of each building entrance. Kaoru wondered about this habit, but even I couldn’t tell him the origin of it. Anyways the place looked very festive with birch decorations. Women and kids had decorated a handsome Midsummer pole that was lying on the yard waiting to be hoisted. They had also made garlands to decorate the doors. Also we got a new one as the previous one had already withered.

      The hoisting of the Midsummer pole required at least three persons to hold the ropes and one to guide the root of the pole into the right place. Paavo, Mikko, Kaoru and me managed to get the thing upright without destroying the beautiful flower decorations. The kids were running around eagerly – also they felt the excitement of the coming celebration. Paavo’s youngest child, a little girl, wanted to ride horseback me. She knew I was the crazy guy who would do anything she asked. She had me wrapped around her little finger. Kaoru laughed his heart out when he saw me galloping around the yard with her in my back. I saw the longing in his eyes. Maybe one day we would have a daughter of our own.

      After the lunch Kaoru needed to take care of some business matters so I decided to walk to the beach and write some music. Eicca had composed most of the Apocalyptica pieces but I had started to be more active lately. I had a need to write – express my feelings not only by playing but composing my own music. I found a good protected place at the seashore but noticed then that Kyo was already there with his notebook and sketch books. I stopped by and asked him if I could sit a bit further away without disturbing him. He was okay with that so I walked to a nice looking rock formation that had natural seats available and started to concentrate on my music.

      Before I even noticed the afternoon was far and I was getting stiff after sitting too long. I was satisfied with my accomplishments and returned to our outbuilding to find Kaoru. He was still sitting at his computer when I entered the room. I walked over to him to show him my music but he stood up and grabbed me in his arms before I had time to say anything. I was surprised of his passionate embrace.

       “I missed you”, he murmured and started to unbutton my shirt. “Your skin is probably burnt”, he remarked kissing my neck and dropping the shirt on the floor. His lips felt so good on my hot skin. I pushed my hands under his T-shirt to feel his skin under my palms. In no time he had ridded myself of my jeans and pants and caressed my bare behind with his hands.  “Can I fuck you?” he asked being polite even though he could feel how eager I was to make love with him.

      “Just this once” I sneered at him and offered him a condom I had dug out of his pocket. I crawled on the bed to lie on my belly and waited for him to come. He took his time - maybe he just watched me lying there. I felt him spread the cool lube on me, his heavy body on my back and his dick pushing into my body. Oh Jesus, I loved this - my man fucking me…


	17. Heating up sauna

# Shinya

## Heating up sauna (17)

       Paavo had often talked about heating his sauna like it was some kind of holy rite or Zen meditation. My expectations were high when we headed for the sauna together with Mikko and Paavo after the breakfast.  The small building was located close to the sea shore, protected from sight by tall windswept pines that had their lower branches almost touching the sandy ground. We went first to the close by shed to collect the wood. Paavo had chopped it into suitable size already earlier and let it dry in the shed. I helped the guys in carrying the wood to the sauna, but Paavo and Mikko took care of loading of fire place and lighting the fire. There wasn’t much to do once the fire was burning.  We just had to add a new load of wood after the previous one had been burnt.  Paavo went over to the shed to chop more wood and I stayed with Mikko to watch the fire.

      We sat on the bench close to the sauna and started to talk about playing drums. Mikko wanted to know how I had developed my style of playing.  I had played drums in Dir En Grey since I was eighteen so I didn’t know about anything else. Dir En Grey and drums had been my life. Our music had changed drastically from the beginning and my style of playing had changed with that. “How can you play so strongly when you are so slim and tiny?” Mikko asked touched my bare arm with his hand. He probably didn’t mean anything special with his gesture, but it sent shivers of pleasure through my body. I explained him about my work outs and diet. I wanted to eat healthy food and not even much of that. I wanted to stay slim so I could dress up if I wanted to.

      “You looked very beautiful in our Visual Kei party”, Mikko whispered and touched me again. His eyes fixed on mine and his hand stayed where he had put it, waiting for my response. I felt the energy flow from his hand directly into my groin. I gazed into his grey eyes and wanted to kiss him. Just then Paavo returned from the shed carrying a huge load of wood in his lap. I hurried to open the door for him and suddenly remembered how we had made love for the first time at Vuokatti. Paavo probably could sense my confusion. “Mikko has been watching your playing a lot with my son. I think he’s interested in you and your technique.”

      “You don’t mind?" I asked carefully not wanting to upset him.

      “No, we’re just friends and I have my family so feel free to do whatever you want.”

      I was relived. Just now I wanted to know more about my colleague and maybe later tonight  something else…When Paavo had filled the fireplace with the a new load of wood, he left to continue his chopping. I returned to Mikko who was still sitting on the bench deep in his thoughts. “What are you thinking about?” I asked curious about his mental state.

      He turned his eyes at me. “I hope I didn’t scare you off”, he said sounding like he wanted to apologize.

      “No, you didn’t, vice versa. I liked your touch and wanted to kiss you.” He blinked once. Maybe he didn’t understand what I said. I decided that actions speak louder than words. I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. He was still confused.

      “I’m not used to being kissed my men, except for Perttu. He kisses just about everyone he can get his hands on.”

      “Maybe you just need practice. I can teach you kissing and my drumming tricks, if you want to?”

      “Sounds good”, he smiled and relaxed. “Lesson one please.”

      The kiss of our first lesson was very long and gentle.  His breathing accelerated every second our lips were touching each other. Finally he folded his arms around me. “You feel so good”, he sighed when I released his lips.

      “I know, Die says that too”, I sneered.

      “Do you have something cooking with Die? I thought he was in love with Tochi.”

      “Well yes, Die is my old friend and Tochi knows that.”

      “Would you like to be my…friend?” Mikko asked and gazed at my eyes looking very unsure.

      “Why not. You can teach me the magic of Midsummer tonight.”

      “It starts from the sauna and continues all night. Are you ready to spend that long with me?” he asked looking very solemn although he was just playing around with me. Bet he had his fingers crossed behind his back.

      “Sure, whatever it takes”, I promised as solemnly.


	18. Love in the forest

## Love in the forest (18)

      Mikko, Paavo and I were all sweaty and tired after we had transported several barrels of water from the well to the sauna. Of course we had a trolley to transport the barrels but anyway the task was cumbersome as the weather was very hot and terrain uneven for the trolley. We went first for a swim to refresh ourselves and then headed for our quarters to rest.

      On my way to my room I met Die, who was returning alone from the main building and was looking somehow gloomy. I knew something was wrong when he didn’t flash his dazzling smile at me as usual. “What’s wrong?” I shouted after him, when he didn’t stop talking to me.  I ran after him and forced him to stop. “Please say something! Can I help you?” I pleaded remembering how he had been there to support me when I was shaken up after seeing Paavo’s family.

       “I’m sorry, I’m just so angry and afraid that Tochi can’t leave Eicca after all.”

       “I’m sure they will come to the right conclusion after they’ve had a chance to discuss it properly”, I assured him.

       “Eicca had to cancel their meeting yesterday so they’ll meet tonight instead. This night is not good for making drastic decisions.” Die complained.

      “Isn’t this the night when you can see the future?” I asked remembering Paavo’s account of Finnish Midsummer traditions.

      “Yes, you can see your future husband or wife if you go and lie naked in the meadow at midnight.”

      “Maybe you should try that? If you see Tochi, you can be sure he makes a right decision with Eicca”, I proposed.

       Finally I could see a tiny smile tugging Die’s lips. “That would really be a hilarious sight; me lying naked on a meadow.  I’d rather lie there with you”, he said and grabbed me suddenly in his arms. “You’re so crazy and I love you for that”, he whispered in my ear and planted a wet kiss on my forehead.

      “Let’s go for a walk – I’d like to take a look at the island. There’s plenty of time before the sauna”, I proposed and tugged Die’s hand to follow me. He didn’t resist and let me hold his hand when we walked the path leading to the interior of the island.

      The forest was very quiet. Except for bird song and occasional gushes of wind rustling the tree branches there were no other sounds. We could hear twigs and pine cones getting crushed under our feet when we wandered along the winding forest path. I didn’t want to disturb the silence so we just walked holding hands. But my body was very aware of Die’s presence. Mikko’s touch had turned me on and Die was just the right person to relieve my tensions. He probably sensed my mood because when we came to a high cliff he suddenly grabbed me in his arms and squeezed me between him and the rock wall. He was definitely turned on, I could feel his hard dick when he pressed himself against me. Die unzipped my jeans and let them drop at my feet. I kicked them away and opened his fly to get my hand on his lovely manhood I loved so much.

      “Please fuck me!” I begged Die. I was dying of my lust for him. He turned me to face the rock wall, spread my legs and pushed himself into my waiting ass. I whined of pain – we had no lube, no nothing, but I wanted this. He slowed down a bit not to hurt me and grabbed my dick in his hand to jerk me off while he fucked me.  I shot my load into his hand before his climax.  He wiped his hand on the rock face and continued fucking me until he exploded inside me groaning of pleasure.

       We were both a bit dazed after this unexpected and passionate love making in the middle of the forest. After he had recovered he kissed me very gently and caressed my cheek with his hand. “What would I do without you?” he sighed.

      My ass felt sore when I finally returned to my outhouse to rest. I would have to settle with another kind of magic with Mikko. Actually it would be nice to surprise him with a blow job on a close by meadow. But I was worried about Die. This night was going to be painful for him and I wasn’t there to help him.


	19. A lovers' quarrel

# Die

## A lovers’ quarrel (19)

      I was happy that Shinya had helped me to get rid of the gloomy mood I was in when Tochi and Eicca left together to study the island. They had to sort things out and decide about the future and I didn’t want to interfere with that. The pain that Tochi still felt when being apart from Eicca was killing me. Of course it was easier now than after January but he was suffering anyway. I knew Tochi loved me, but it wasn’t the same as with Eicca. I was more like a friend than a lover and that wasn’t enough for me.

      I wasn’t sure I could survive the pain of knowing that they were making love somewhere close by. The moment I’d have to face that was coming near and I was still unprepared. Shinya had his date with Mikko so I couldn’t rely on his help. I realized that Vinushka and Kyo were the only persons I could turn to at this moment.

      My relationship with Vinushka had been getting deeper after our stay in Vuokatti. It wasn’t love but something close to that. I knew she felt the same way – I could see the warmth in her eyes, when she talked to me.  I still remembered her kiss in the snow drift, when she taught me to ski in Vuokatti. The memory always made me happy. She was now very pregnant which actually turned me on every time I saw her. But would she help me tonight?

      When I entered the main building I noticed that Anna and Kirsi had already been to sauna and were preparing our buffet dinner. I asked Anna about Vinushka. She told me that she would return within an hour to participate in the evening festivities. “Would you like to talk to her when she returns?”  She asked and looked curious. “Yes, please”, I replied but didn’t want to say more as Kirsi was sitting close by and could hear our conversation.

      I had my sauna turn with Eicca, his two sons and Tochi. Paavo was still bathing with his family so we’d have to wait. The buffet table looked tempting and I was actually quite hungry so I decided to grab some food on my plate and sat down to the table with Anna and Kirsi. The buffet contained Baltic herring prepared in various sauces, both smoked and raw salmon, smoked white fish, boiled eggs, potato salad, new potatoes seasoned with dill, Karelian pies and fresh rye bread plus various green salads.  Tochi walked in soon after I had started my dinner. I wondered what had happened because he wasn’t his happy self any more. “How was your sightseeing?” I asked not knowing what else to say.

      “The view from the big cliff was interesting, especially with you and Shinya down there”, he replied quietly his dark eyes full of pain.

      Oh shit, I had blown it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t do that on purpose, if that’s what you think. Please forgive me.”

      “You don’t have to apologize that you fuck with Shinya if that’s what you want.  I won’t ask your permission to fuck with Eicca either”, he hissed behind his teeth in Japanese looking really mad now.

      “What’s this, a lovers’ quarrel? Eicca asked interrupting our poisonous exchange and sitting at the table with us.  He had probably been resting in his bedroom and now joined us for a meal before sauna. “It’s not allowed to fight at Midsummer’s Eve”, he sneered and fixed his grey eyes on Tochi. I knew what he was thinking and it made me feel sick. I just couldn’t eat anything and I couldn’t watch them together. I stood up and walked out of the house to get some fresh air before I’d suffocate in my ill feeling.

      About half way to my outbuilding I saw Vinushka sitting in one of the armchairs under the old apple tree where we’d had our afternoon coffee.  When she noticed me she waived her hand and beckoned me to join her. I was relieved to see her. “Hi, Die. You wanted to see me?” she asked and flashed a brilliant smile at me.  I wondered first how she knew about that, but remembered then that she was actually Anna in another body.

      “Yes, I did. Tochi is meeting Eicca tonight to decide about their future and I don’t think I can stand being alone. I was thinking…Would you like to keep me company tonight?”

      “Sure, I’d love that!” she enthused.

      “Are you sure Kyo won’t mind?” I asked just to make sure.

      “I think he would want me to help you, but I will tell him before that.”

      I was amazed how excited she was about spending the night with me.  She looked absolutely delicious with her round belly and full breasts and I just couldn’t help wanting her. I wondered could I ask her about our baby plans. Maybe it was too early for that and I wasn’t even sure about Tochi anymore.

      Paavo and his family returned from the sauna while we were talking there. “It’s your turn now”, Paavo called me. I didn’t want to join Tochi and Eicca in sauna, but then it occurred to me that Vinushka had missed her turn altogether.

      “Would you join me for a bath later this evening? I don’t want to go with Eicca and Tochi.”

      “Why not. I don’t especially like the heat in this condition, but I could wash my hair and your back”, she replied and smiled at me looking very innocent.

       I had never before seen her completely naked, but she didn’t seem to mind… these Finns weren’t embarrassed about anything.

      “I think we should go and tell others that you’ll take your bath later with me”, she proposed and stood up to walk to the main house. I followed her my mind buzzing with excitement. I just hoped that Kyo wouldn’t get pissed off.


	20. Baby business

## Baby business (20)

      “Are you sure you want to bathe with me?” I asked Vinushka again before we entered Paavo’s sauna. I just couldn’t understand her thinking. We were not lovers and had never been naked together.

      “I’m sure”, she assured me and opened the door to the rather dark dressing room. She stripped off her bathrobe and waited me to take off my clothes. But I just stared at her. She was absolutely beautiful in her pregnancy. “What is it?” she asked probably thinking I was mentally retarded.

      “You look so lovely”, I whispered and tried to ignore the reactions in my groin.

      She probably guessed what was wrong. “I’ll check the sauna while you undress”, she said and vanished into the darkness of the sauna. I tried to breathe deep and calm myself down before following her into the dim warmth. I found her sitting on the upper bench with two birch twigs in her lap. “Just climb over here. Paavo has made fresh _vihta_ for us”, she mused and handed one to me, when I sat beside her. She threw water on the stove, which gave a slow sizzle and released a blanket of hot humid air around us. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. She waited for the heat to fade a bit and then threw another scoop of water on the stove. “Please lean forward. I will give you relaxing aromatherapy with my _vihta_ ”, she ordered me and I did her bidding. The soft birch leaves caressed my back and left a mild fresh scent on my skin.

      “Can I try too?” I asked when she had finished her therapy treatment.

      “Please do, but don’t hit too hard unless you want to punish me of something”, she sneered and turned slightly to allow me better access to her back.

     “Can I wash your hair?” she asked when we had climbed down from the bench. She made me sit on a low stool and shampooed my hair rubbing my scalp with her gentle fingers. Her body was dangerously close to me. I could see her heavy breast move when she poured water on my head to rinse my hair. Finally I just couldn’t take it anymore. I raised my hands to touch her body. “Do you like my belly?” she asked and caressed my wet hair with her hands.

      “It’s the loveliest thing I’ve ever seen”, I whispered and drew her closer to kiss her navel. The moment was like magic to me. Her gentle touch flooded my senses with overwhelming joy. I jumped up and grabbed her in my arms. She folded her arms around my waist and rested her forehead on my chest.  I could feel her soft lips travel slowly to my collar bones, then to the side of my neck, to my jaw and finally to my lips. Her touches felt like butterflies fluttering on my skin.  When her lips touched mine I had to moan with pleasure. This was something I had wanted but never even dreamed about. The short moment in Vuokatti had been too sudden and unreal to be taken seriously. But now she was kissing me again, her hands wandering on my wet skin and squeezing my body against hers.

      “Please make love to me this once. I’ve wanted you for so long”, she pleaded. I didn’t need much encouragement. I took her hand and lead her to the cooler dressing room. She turned her back on me and leaned over to give me better access inside her. I pushed my hard dick into her warm and wet pussy and started to fuck her. I tried to be careful at first but she moaned and insisted me to fuck her harder. She was sizzling with lust and seemed to enjoy every second of our act.  Finally I could feel her strong contractions around my manhood. She whined and grabbed the back of a chair for support.

       “Oh shit, I needed that”, she swore, straightened her back and turned to face me again. I gazed her lovely face and remembered the cool business woman I had met in Seattle. This woman here was something else, a wild and horny thing that was very much pregnant. She kissed my lips again and continued then down on my neck. Suddenly she bit and sucked my skin leaving probably a very visible mark on my skin.  She was declaring her ownership. Please mark me too she insisted and tilted her head to let me bite her. I sank my teeth into the white skin on her neck and left there a large bluish bruise.

      “I forgot to wash my hair”, she laughed and caressed my cheek with her hand. She touched the mark on my neck with her fingers and turned then to return to the sauna. “Maybe you should come too? I promised to wash your back and you could wash mine, if you want to.” Of course I wanted. It was gorgeous to rub soap on her lovely back and breasts and rinse it then away.

      I collected my courage while I was washing her and finally popped out the question I’d been wanting to ask her. “Would you like to make a baby for me and Tochi too? I mean after this one is born …”

       She frowned thinking hard. “I think you should discuss this with Anna. My pregnancy is very hard for her. I’m not sure she can do it again. But I’d love to make you a father and I think Tochi would want that too. Have you discussed about this already?”

     “Yes, I proposed it to him some time ago. First he thought I was joking, but took me then seriously. He also told me to hold my horses. But I wanted to let you know in good time.”

     “It’s good to know what you are planning but aren’t you afraid that Tochi can’t let Eicca go?”

     “Sure I’m afraid of that. The last moths have been difficult for Tochi. I thought he could forget Eicca and I would be enough for him, but I wasn’t.”

      “These things take their time and you can’t push him. Let him make his own decisions and be there for him”, she advised me.

      “What do I say him about this mark?” I asked feeling worried.

      “Just tell him that you practised this baby business with me. You know, practice makes perfect.”

      “You’re an absolutely impossible woman”, I sneered at her. “What happens if he wants to practice too?”

      “I probably wouldn’t refuse him. He’s an absolutely gorgeous man as you might have noticed”, she replied. “But let’s not rush ahead of things. We have to tackle this night first. I’ll be there for you.”


	21. Midsummer sauna with Kirsi

# Anna

## Midsummer sauna with Kirsi (21)

      Kirsi wanted us women to have sauna first before the guys. “It always takes ages for them to finish their bathing. We are faster and besides, we have to take care of the dinner.” She managed to get us the first turn and looked satisfied. She grabbed my hand to show me the way to sauna. She had obviously been here before as had no difficulties to find her way there.

      I watched her slender body when she undressed in the dressing room. Even at the age of 45 she was a beautiful woman. Her red hair flowed over her shoulders in soft curls. I surprised myself thinking that I wanted to feel it in my hands. I wasn’t supposed to think things like that about a woman, but I couldn’t help myself.

       After sauna we went for a swim. The pier had ladders at the end so it was easy get into the water and back again. She swam a long stretch while I just dipped myself into the sea. I was a lousy swimmer. She beckoned me to swim over to her threading the water with her feet. I didn’t have the guts to swim that far so I climbed out of the water and sat on the pier to wait her my towel on my shoulders. “You’re freezing” she remarked when she climbed out of the water. “Let’s go to sauna to warm up”. So we took another bathing round in sauna and washed ourselves after that.

       When she was brushing her hair she grimaced and felt her neck with her hand. “I think I have something stuck in my hair. Can you take a look?”

     I started to search her hair with my fingers and found a small twig that had a strand of her hair folded around it. She had probably caught that in her hair while swimming. It took a while for me to untangle her hair and remove the twig. She waited patiently for me to finish standing in front of me.

     “There, it should be okay now”, I told her feeling sorry that I had to let go of her silky hair.

      “Could you brush my hair with this?” she asked and handed me her hair brush. “It feels so good when someone else brushes my hair, I just love it.”

      “Sure, why not”, I promised and felt the tension in my body grow.

      When I was almost done with brushing her hair I couldn’t resist the temptation anymore – I kissed gently the side of her neck. She sighed with pleasure and gave a quiet groan when my lips caressed her skin.  I dropped her brush on the floor, grabbed her by the arms and pulled her against my body. Her breathing accelerated as my lips travelled on her neck and shoulder.  She turned to face me gazing at me her eyes full of longing. “Please kiss me”, she whispered and folder her arms on my waist. I did. I kissed her forehead, cheeks, eyes, the side of her mouth and finally her soft lips. I tried to forget that I was kissing a woman but I couldn’t. Her skin was so soft and her lips so full that it felt completely different from what I had experienced before.

      My body was deceiving me. I was losing control and my primitive instincts taking over. I wanted to devour her. Her hands travelled from my waist to my breasts feeling gently my hard nipples.  Her constant groaning while we were kissing almost drove me mad.  Finally I just forced myself to stop. “We’ve already been here too long. They’ll start to wonder what happened.”

      “Let them”, she breathed and kissed me and bit my lip. “Will you spend the night with me? I’m sleeping alone in the first outbuilding.”

      I wasn’t sure I should say yes even if I wanted. “What about Eicca?” I asked curious about their sleeping arrangements.

      “He’s got other things on his mind tonight and he’s sleeping in the main building”, Kirsi explained. I guessed the other things were Tochi. “Please come”, she pleaded again.

      I just couldn’t resist her temptation. “Okay, I will come after burning of the bonfires.”

\----

      I was completely distracted the rest of the evening. We prepared the dinner and laid the table in the main building while the guys were bathing. Kirsi acted as if nothing had happened. Guess she was afraid that the whole thing might get out of hands and we ended up making love on the living room couch, if we kissed again even a little. I tried NOT to think about her breasts and soft skin.

      I would have to bring Vinushka back tonight to accompany Kyo. I had no previous experience of a situation when Vinushka would be making love with Kyo and I with someone else. Normally I just enjoyed the feeling together with Vinushka. Could I shut her feelings out of my brain to concentrate on my own experience? I would soon find out.


	22. A friend with breasts and all the rest

## A friend with breast and all the rest (22)

      The summer night was warm and beautiful when I walked over to her outbuilding. I wasn’t sure if I should do it openly or not, but I didn’t care. The night was full of light, no chance to sneak there in darkness. I collected a bunch of wild flowers on a small patch of meadow beside the outhouse, climbed the stairs up and knocked on the sturdy door.  She opened the door in her nightgown. “You’re punctual”, she smiled and took my hand. I had to bow down to get into her small room.

      “I brought you some flowers”, I said blushing slightly and handed her the flowers. The small room was almost filled with a double bed. There were only two chairs and very small round table in addition to the bed. The room was dark, no windows or electricity as usual. She had two candles lit on the table to give us some light.

      “I’ll go and get some water for the flowers and for us”, she said and vanished out of the door with a large water can in her hand.  There was a well close by that served as a water source for the buildings. I waited patiently sitting on the bed and thinking. What was I doing? I had never made love to a woman before. It had felt like a good idea in sauna, but I wasn’t sure anymore.

      She interrupted my thoughts by sitting beside me. She crossed her legs and gazed at me. “You look puzzled. Are you regretting your kiss?” she asked.

      “I don’t know. I have contradictory feelings. I want you but I shouldn’t.”

      “Who says that you shouldn’t? Why would it be wrong to kiss me and hold me?” She asked provoking me to see my own prejudice. “Can I kiss you? Maybe that will drive away your fears.”

      She leaned closer and took my face in her hands. Slowly she planted her lips on mine. Her soft kiss made me almost melt in her arms. Every pore of my body was filled with desire for her. I raised my hands to push my fingers among her soft red curls. She withdrew her lips and waited for my response.

       At that moment there was nothing I wanted more than to kiss her again. She stripped her nightgown and started to unbutton my shirt gazing at me her eyes full of desire. She had nothing under her nighty. I thought I’d choke with my lust when I saw her beautiful breasts. Her hands travelled on my chest and slipped under my bra to feel my nipples. She had a lover with breasts and all the rest.

       “Please take your clothes off and come to bed with me”, she whispered. I stood up and folded my shirt and jeans on the chair along with my bra and panties. She smiled when she saw my complete nakedness. “Can I?” she asked and raised her hands to draw me closer. She grabbed my hips and started kissing my belly, hipbones and finally my naked sex. I flinched when her tongue found its way to my clit.  She almost made me mad my caressing me with her tongue. I had my hands in her hair and my whole body was throbbing with longing for her.

      Finally she let me go and we lied down on the bed folding our arms and legs around each other like serpents. I couldn’t get enough of kissing her. I explored every inch of her body with my hands and lips and she studied my body as thoroughly. The longing of relief finally won and we ended up in 69 sucking each other like maniacs. She licked and bit me and pushed her fingers inside me until I couldn’t take it anymore. My body exploded into fierce contractions around her fingers. When I had recovered from my orgasm I concentrated on her clit rubbing and sucking it my fingers pushed inside her. I didn’t let go of her although her she almost crushed my head with her thighs before reaching the climax. After our lovemaking we washed ourselves and crawled back to bed caressing each other until we fell into exhausted sleep.


	23. Feeling guilty

## Feeling guilty (23)

      I woke up early in the morning when birds were literally singing in my ear. I had to climb out of the bed to pee. The toilet was close by so I decided to go there and admire the beautiful morning. I borrowed Kirsi’s nightgown and slipped out into the cool morning air.

      On my way back I thought I heard something from the direction of the second outbuilding located a bit further away from ours. I sneaked closer to see what was up. Tochi was sitting on the stairs his arms folded around his knees and forehead resting on his knees. I guessed he was crying. I walked over to him carefully and stopped in front of him trying not to startle him. “What is it?”  I asked caressing his dark hair with my hand as gently as I could. He flinched slightly and raised his teary face to look at me.

      “I hate myself, I’m a dirty bastard”, he sniffled and stared at his beautiful hands.

      “I don’t think so”, I whispered caressing his cheek to comfort him.

      “I made love with Eicca”, he finally explained. “I wanted to know if I can live without him. I just had to, but now I feel like I’ve betrayed Die. I feel so guilty.”

      “You loved Eicca so much just a few months ago. A thing like that can’t be wiped away just like that. Some part of you still loves him and you have to accept that”, I tried to make him see the realities.

       “Please don’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve loved several people at the same time but in a different way. It makes my life richer and I refuse to feel guilty about it.” I confessed. “Now I love all five of you.”

      Tochi raised his face to look at me and then a smile spread on his lovely face. “Me too?” he asked.

      “Yeah, you too. Originally it was you that I wanted. You were the loveliest human being on earth to me.”

      “You make me blush”, he smiled.

      “You were the first one I saw, when I made my first spirit travel. You were sleeping and so beautiful. I couldn’t help caressing you. I think you liked it. The next time I came I found you sleeping with Eicca. After that things just happened and I ended up loving Kyo. Life is strange.”

      “So it was you…I remember”, he mumbled to himself. Then he suddenly stood up, grabbed me in his arms and kissed me. I was confused by his reaction, but responded then to his kiss. This was something I had always dreamed about but destiny had decided otherwise.

      “Thanks for helping me”, he breathed when he finally released me. I gazed into his beautiful face knowing that this was probably closest I would get to making love with him.

      “I should thank you for making my life meaningful.”

      “Don’t mention it”, he snickered and waived his hand at me heading towards the main building with long strides.

\----

 

       “I thought you had run away without saying goodbye”, Kirsi whispered from her bed when I entered her room again. She was serious, I could see it from her teary eyes.

      “Don’t be silly, I had to go to the toilet and then I bumped into Tochi on my way back”, I replied.

      “Why was he up so early?” Kirsi wondered.

      “He had made love with Eicca and was feeling guilty about it. I tried to talk some sense into him. Love isn’t a thing you can switch on and off just like that.”

     “I know that”, Kirsi frowned and reached her hand for me to come and lie beside her. 

      I knew she had a crush on Tochi after their last visit, but I assumed it was nothing serious. “Did you really believe that I would leave without saying goodbye?” I asked when I had her safely in my arms.

      “Yeah, people can do stupid things if they feel ashamed or guilty.”

      “Well, I don’t feel either but I’m hungry. Let’s go and make some breakfast.”


	24. Magic with Mikko

# Shinya

## Magic with Mikko (24)

      I watched old Dir En Grey DVD’s with Mikko and Okko while waiting for our sauna turn. Mikko had seen them several times and he had very specific questions about my playing. I tried to answer them as well as I could with my poor English. Finally I ended up showing things with my hands and sticks to explain. Okko was watching our discussion with keen eyes and wanted to try out some things I had shown to Mikko. Definitely we had here a new drummer coming up.

      Die and Vinushka joined us after a while. They were going to have sauna after us. I wondered why they were going together and Kyo was coming with us. Die explained me that Vinushka had missed the girls’ turn and he didn’t want to join Eicca and Tochi, so he had asked Vinushka. It wasn’t nice to bathe alone. I agreed with that.

      Mikko lead me and Kyo to sauna once Eicca, Tochi and the boys had taken their turn. Mikko was a very verbose guy and explained us all kinds of things related to sauna starting from the making of _vihta_ to building a sauna. Even I noticed the difference between the frozen _vihta_ we had used in Tokyo and the fresh ones we had here. The fragrance was much stronger and the leaves gorgeously soft. He also advised us the right technique to use the _vihta_ – more like gentle tapping than hitting hard with it. I tested my skills on his back and he was satisfied.

      I could see his eyes flickering now and then to Kyo’s tattoos. The man looked wonderful in his multi-coloured skin. He asked Kyo some questions about them, but Kyo wasn’t very talkative. He definitely had something on his mind and he didn’t want to be disturbed. We left him washing himself and run to the seashore to take a dip in the sea. Mikko was a good swimmer and I liked it too, so we did it a couple of times. The water was so cool that we had to warms ourselves in sauna in between.

      We were sitting on the sauna veranda and drinking a beer when Kyo came to say goodbye. He was fully dressed and in a hurry to continue whatever he was doing. He waived his hand at us and disappeared around the corner. When he had vanished out of sight Mikko turned to watch me. He took my hand in his hand but didn’t say anything, just held it. I gazed into his eyes trying to read what was in there. Finally he released my hand, took my face between his palms and kissed me. He probably needed all his courage to do that – to kiss a man on his own initiative. I had kissed him in the morning and he had been very unsure about himself at the time.

      “Does that belong to the Midsummer magic? I asked trying to sound cool although my heart was beating like a sledgehammer.

      “No, that was just Mikko magic”, he smiled relieved of my reaction.

       “Could I have more of that then?” I asked him. He kissed me again and this time his hands slid down to my arms and to my chest.

      “Your body feels so good”, he whispered slightly out of breath. His hand found my dick under the towel and he squeezed his fingers around it. I moaned of my lust and closed my eyes to feel his hand better.  Then suddenly he bowed down and sank my dick between his lips. Wow, the guy was giving me the blow job I had planned for him. I was too excited about him to last very long. He made me come into his mouth sliding his hand along my stem and caressing the head with his lips.

     “Was that your first time? If it was, you did an excellent job”, I asked him when I was back to my senses.

      “Yeah, I haven’t made love to man before”, he admitted and sounded very proud of himself.


	25. At the meadow

## At the meadow (25)

      The party at bonfires was surprisingly easy for me, I didn’t like being in the crowd and if I was, I normally felt myself outsider.  But here it was different. These people here were like a part of my family. They accepted me and some of them really loved me. Die was of course my favourite, but I liked also Paavo and Mikko. I had also learned to appreciate Anna and Vinushka. I felt home here, in a place that was as far as possible from my real home in Tokyo.

      Mikko was determined to teach me to waltz. He was a good dancer and I had a good sense of rhythm so I supposed I could learn it. The kids thought it was hilarious when we made our first attempts to dance on the pier, but lost their interest in us, when our waltzing started to look half professional.

      I glanced now and then at Die and Vinushka who were “dancing” too, that is, standing on the pier holding each other, completely absorbed in their partner’s eyes. I started to wonder if Vinushka had somehow mesmerized Die. I had always had some kind of suspicion about her real quality. She wasn’t from this world. God knows what kind of capabilities she had although she looked and acted normal. Of course I was relieved that she was taking care of Die. Otherwise he would have drunk himself unconscious tonight.

      I started to get nervous when first Eicca and Tochi and later Die and Vinushka left the party. I wanted to experience the magic Mikko had promised to me.  When the clock approached midnight, Mikko stopped our dancing and gazed me in the eye looking very serious.

      “Are you ready? It’s almost midnight and time for magic.”

     “I’m ready. Where do we go?” I asked feeling the excitement grow.

     “We have to go first to my place to pick up a blanket and after that to the meadow.”

      We walked over to the second outbuilding, took one of his blankets with us and headed for the close by meadow. The meadow was full of harebells, daisies, cow parsley and various type of grasses at this time of the year. He spread the blanket on the ground and stopped then to gaze at me. “We have to naked” he said and started to unbutton my shirt. I stripped off my clothes and he did the same.

      “What then?" I asked feeling slightly cold.

      “We have to lay down, close our eyes and try to see the future”, he whispered.

      I lied down on the blanket and he came to lie beside me holding my hand. I tried to imagine something, but all I could see was Mikko kissing me on the sauna veranda. “Can you see anything? I asked after a while.

      “No, not yet”, he replied a smile tugging his lips.

      I was getting cold so I sat up and watched him lay there his eyes tightly closed. He was taking this magic really seriously. I couldn’t resist the temptation to caress his chest and belly. Oh shit, I wanted to fuck him, but I was afraid that it would be too much for him. “Can I kiss you?” I finally asked.

      He opened his eyes and grabbed me on top of him. “Now I can see something - a beautiful guy called Shinya.”

     “I’m not beautiful”, I protested.

      “Yes you are. You’re the most beautiful thing I know”, he assured me tugging at my pendant to kiss me. Our kiss wouldn’t stop once it got started. I wanted him so much I could have eaten him alive. His dick was a good place to start. I crawled down to kiss and suck it until he begged me to make him come. I jerked him off with my hand and swallowed his juices when he exploded into my mouth.

       “That was really a magical mystery tour”, he sighed as I crawled back on top of him. I could have lied there forever, but the mosquitos had found us and wanted to feed on my precious ass. “I think we’d better go inside before they eat us alive”, he proposed and started to put his clothes back on. I agreed and we headed back to his place. It was nice to crawl back to his arms under a warm blanket in the darkness of his room. We spent a long time kissing and cuddling each other and talking about things. I hadn’t felt this happy for a long time. The Midsummer night magic had clearly worked on us.


	26. At bonfires

# Toshiya

## At bonfires (26)

      Eicca joined me to watch the burning of bonfires at nine o’clock in the evening. There was quite a crowd of people already present when we arrived. I was proud of the handsome heap of wood we had built during the morning. Thanks to Paavo’s advice it was still standing on the beach looking very masculine. The kids of course wanted to set the whole thing on fire ASAP. They knew that they could bake sausages on sticks once the fire had burned down a bit. Paavo had brought two acoustic guitars with him so that we could have live music in our party. Anna and Kirsi had with them large baskets of salty snacks and of course wine, beer and beverages for everyone.

      I noticed that Die was having a lively discussion with Vinushka. They looked happy together. I could see it from the way they touched and looked at each other. Die had a bluish mark on his neck near the collar bone and he wasn’t trying to hide it. Where had he got that from? Then it occurred to me that he had been in sauna with Vinushka. Something must have happened there. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy and turned my eyes away from them.

      Kyo was sitting on a low bench with Anna and Kirsi. Kyo was deep in his own thoughts. Anna looked happy, but in a strange sort of way. She kept watching Kirsi and Kirsi watched her every time she had a chance. Kirsi didn’t take any notice of me anymore. I was relieved that she seemed to be completely okay tonight. We wouldn’t have to worry about her.

      Perttu and Kaoru were standing on the pier close by and Perttu was explaining something pointing with his hand at various places at the sea. Maybe they were talking about fishing. He spread his hands as if describing how big a fish he had caught and then lost. Kaoru was laughing his heart out and slapped him at the back. Then he suddenly grabbed him in his arms and kissed him in front of everybody. The kids started to whistle and clapped their hands. Perttu gave a horrible looking grimace at Okko and ran after him. Probably he was threatening to kiss him too, which was a completely disgusting thought to a teenager boy. Well, at least Perttu was having fun.

      Shinya was sitting beside Mikko looking shy. They were probably talking about drumming as Shinya showing him various rhythms with the two sticks he had. It was a good achievement from Mikko to get Shinya to talk. He was normally a very silent and withdrawn person. Paavo was our bonfire master. He was preparing to set the fire going as we sat on the close by bench. Paavo’s two guitars were leaning against the bench.

       “Can I take one of the guitars? I heard Die’s voice behind me. When I turned to watch him he flashed his most beautiful smile at me. I felt my heart skip the beat. Day by day he looked healthier and more beautiful in my eyes.

       “Sure, what are you going to play? I heard that it’s a must to play tango at Midsummer party.”

       “Well I think I find a tango beat in some of our older pieces”, he promised and gave me a dark, intensive look. He wanted me, I was sure about that.

       The bonfire burned in high flames for quite some time. People were sitting in small groups, talking, eating the snacks and drinking.  The daylight faded slightly and the wind calmed down when the evening grew older. Only the occasional screams of seagulls and buzz of our voices broke the silence.  Finally somebody demanded to have a tango to dance. Our women, Kirsi, Anna and Vinushka stood up and vanished somewhere out of sight and when they came back, they announced that they would sing acapella the famous tango of Unto Mononen, _Satumaa_. I knew Vinushka had a beautiful voice and Kirsi was the singer in her band, but still their performance exceeded all my expectations.  The audience gave them a big hand and the women looked very proud of themselves.

      The kids had brought with them a portable radio/CD player so we had a continuous flow of waltzes, tangos and foxtrots after the live performance. I was dancing with Eicca on the pier although you couldn’t call it dancing - we were moving our feet and holding each other close and getting excited in the process.

      “Would you like to leave now or do you want to stay longer?” Eicca finally asked his grey eyes smouldering.

     “Maybe we could leave now”, I replied but I was worried how Die would react. I saw him dancing with Vinushka and he seemed to be completely absorbed in her. I thought I saw Vinushka kiss him, but I wasn’t sure. Maybe I didn’t need to worry about him. He was probably giving me free hands tonight.


	27. The verdict

## The verdict (27)

      I turned my back to Die and the Midsummer party and left to my final encounter with Eicca. Eicca walked by my side silently but I could see his eyes flicker at me now and then.  I opened the door for him and let him in. He had to bow deep not to bang his head on the doorframe. I lit two candles on the table to get us some light. Then I stopped in front of him waiting. He stood there gazing at me his eyes burning like the bonfire we had just left behind. I stepped over to him and folded my arms around his waist. He grabbed my body against his and held me tight. I listened to his heartbeat that was getting faster and faster.

        “I love you, I can’t help it”, he whispered and pressed his lips first on my forehead, then on my cheeks and finally on my waiting lips. The hot surge of passion overwhelmed my mind and made me forget all my decisions. He was here with me and I wanted him more than anything right now.

      “Let’s go to bed”, he breathed in my ear between our kisses and almost dragged me there with him. After ripping off our clothes we were a wild tangle of arms and legs as our bodies tried to get as close to each other as possible. I just couldn’t get enough of him.  I took his throbbing dick in my hand just to feel it again. It was warm and hard and I wanted it inside me.

      “Please fuck me”, I pleaded. He probably had waited me to ask for it. He was careful not to force me into anything, but when I asked for it, he didn’t hesitate. In a second he was inside me and he wasn’t very gentle this time. He took me from behind and almost made me scream. His hand was squeezing my dick as he was fucking me. We both came at the same time. I shot my load into his hand and he filled me with his.

      After taking a quick wash we curled into each other’s arms and started to talk.

      “Are you sure you won’t take the ring back?” he asked. He took the ring from his finger where it had been since March and held it on his palm. It was still the most beautiful thing I knew but too painful for me to wear.

      “No, I don’t want it back but you could give it to Die”, I proposed.

      “Why on earth should I give it to him? He stands between you and me at the moment.”

      “If you give it to him, he’d know you have given up…”

      “But I haven’t given up as you can see. I’m here with you and he’s who knows where, fucking Shinya or something.”

      “He’s not with Shinya, he’s with Vinushka”, I told him patiently although I was getting angry. “And you are here with me because we needed to sort things out.”

      “So, what’s the verdict?” he asked putting the ring back in his own finger.

      “I know I want you physically more than anything else, but that’s not going to be enough. I want a family and kids like you have and I can’t have them with you. So I will have to choose someone else. I’ll choose Die, if he still wants me.”

      That was probably the longest talk I’d ever had with him. Our relationship had been mostly physical and would always be. He probably did all the talking with his wife.

      “That leaves us very little alternatives. You know I can’t leave my family and band. My life is here. I can understand your point but it hurts to think that we have no future.”

     “It hurts me too, but I think I can live with it. You know I want you and you want me, but let’s leave it at that”, I proposed and caressed his cheek with my hand. “Please, give the ring to Die.”

     “Maybe I will”, he promised and stood up to put his clothes back on. “I will have to sleep on it.”

      I was relieved that he decided to leave and let me sort out my mixed feelings alone. He bowed down to kiss me goodbye and left without looking back. It was almost three o’clock at Midsummer night and I was finally free of Eicca. But had I pushed Die away from me in the process? I’d have to find out tomorrow.


	28. Vinushka, the master of distraction

# Die

## Vinushka, the master of distraction (28)

      My heart was almost ripped apart when I saw Tochi and Eicca finally leave the party at bonfires. This was the moment I had dreaded for so long. Vinushka sensed my anxiety and tried to keep my attention at herself. Her act was so real that I was confused. Did she really want me as much as she led me to believe? Her eyes burned of desire and she didn’t pay any attention to Kyo, her lover and the father of her child.

       Kyo wasn’t paying attention to her either. He was browsing his iPhone and replying emails as if nothing was happening. He was completely occupied with something else. I had no idea what it was.

      “Please don’t think about it now. I’m sure Tochi will do the right thing, but we won’t know it tonight”, she whispered in my ear and pushed her hands under my shirt on my bare skin. Her warm fingers brushed my skin gently sending shivers of pleasure all over my body. I wanted her again although we had made love just a few hours ago in sauna.

      “Will you stay with me tonight?” I asked feeling desperate. If she left me now I would have to either knock myself unconscious or drown myself into whisky. I didn’t like either of the alternatives.

      “Yes, I will be there with you. I love you too much to let you suffer.”

       We continued our dancing for a while after Tochi and Eicca had left. I concentrated on her warm hands that were becoming more daring every minute.  During a slow romantic piece I just couldn’t take it anymore. “Can we go to my place? I want to make love to you”, I whispered in her ear.

      She smiled and nipped my behind with her fingers. “I was wondering how long you can tolerate my caresses. You’ve had a boner for some time already.” I blushed at her straightforward comment.

     “I’ll tell Kyo that I will be with you tonight. Please wait here.” She walked over to Kyo, who was now writing something in his notebook. She explained something for quite a while to Kyo, kissed him on the forehead and returned to me.  Kyo continued his writing looking satisfied.  What the hell was going on here? “It’s okay, we can go now”, she purred and grabbed my hand to leave.

      “What did you tell to Kyo? He didn’t seem to be upset or anything.”

      “I told him that you’re waiting for Tochi’s decision and need my support tonight. I guess he still has bad conscience about leaving you for me and the baby and feels obliged to let me help you. Besides he has his writing spell on and he doesn’t want to be disturbed. Probably he’s just satisfied that I leave him alone tonight.”

      I had a nagging feeling that it wasn’t the whole truth but I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me. I pushed the awkward thoughts aside and took Vinushka’s hand to lead her to my lodgings. I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on her gorgeous body.

       Before rushing into bed I fetched water from the well and Vinushka ran over to the close by meadow to pick some wild flowers. When she returned she had a wide smirk on her face. “Guess what I saw on the meadow!”

      “Fairies maybe?” I proposed.

      “No, I saw Shinya and Mikko making Midsummer magic.”

      That was interesting. I kind of guessed that it would happen. “Was Shinya giving him a blow job?” I asked knowing that he probably wasn’t capable of doing much else. I had been a bit rough on him today in the forest.

      “How did you guess? Vinushka asked.

     “Well, that’s his speciality. He loves it and is very good at it. I know.”

      “You dirty bastard. You’ve been messing with Shinya although you’re dating Tochi”, she reproached me playfully.

      “That’s nothing serious, were old friends.”

      “And now you’re going to play old friends with me?” she wondered looking innocent and sniffed the flower bouquet in her hand.

      “What are you going to do with the flowers”, I asked to change the subject.

      “I’m going to put them under my pillow to see my future husband”, she explained.

      “Isn’t it kind of obvious?” I asked but remembered then that Kyo hadn’t said anything about marrying her.

      “No, I don’t think it’s obvious”, she replied and tears filled her eyes.

      Oh shit, I had managed to touch one of the sore points of her life. Kyo wasn’t sure what to do and she was very unhappy about it. “Please don’t cry”, I pleaded and hugged her.

       When she had calmed down I lead her to my little room in the first outbuilding. She hid the flowers under her pillow and then stepped in front of me. I unzipped her dress and she stripped it off and folded it carefully on the chair.  Her lace bra was very full of her heavy breasts. I removed her bra too and stared at her breast in awe. Her nipples were dark and big and I wanted to suck them like a baby.

       She removed my shirt and unzipped my fly to release my overly eager dick from my pants. “What have we got here?” she murmured and slid her hand on my manhood. All my rational thoughts vanished into thin air when I felt her hand on my dick. All I wanted was to sink myself again into her lovely body. But she didn’t let me do that. She dragged me on the bed and started kissing me. Her lips were all over the place starting from my neck and ending at my balls. I was almost out of my mind when her lips closed around the head of my dick and she started sucking it. I didn’t need much encouragement with her tongue and lips before I exploded into her mouth.  She rested her head on my belly and looked very satisfied. “That was nice. You have a lovely dick” she mumbled.

       “Is it my turn now?” I asked after we had rested a while. “I want to investigate your body closer.”

       “My pregnancy intrigues you, doesn’t it?” she asked and kissed my lips gently.

       “Yes, it does. I love your breasts and this”, I murmured and caressed her belly with my hand.

       I started from her breasts because they fascinated me the most. I felt them with my hands and sucked her nipples until she was wriggling with lust. “Oh please, suck me”, she pleaded and spread her legs to let me kiss her sex.  She was dripping wet. I pushed my tongue inside her to taste her and sucked her clit until she was moaning and begging me to release her from her pains. I made her come by sucking her my fingers inside her.

      We were both pretty exhausted after our first round of love making. We washed ourselves and crawled back to bed to sleep for a while. I watched her when she rested on her side in my arms. Suddenly I saw something protruding from her side. Probably the baby was stretching inside her and pushing her side with her leg. “The baby seems very active now. Is she having a party of her own?” I asked and put my hand on her side where the foot had been.

      “Maybe she likes our voices and the exercise we offered her.” It was funny to think that someone was watching our every movement and listening to every word we spoke.

      “I hope she doesn’t remember this after she is born and tell Kyo about her naughty mother. By the way, have you been thinking of a name yet?”

    “No I haven’t but I wish you were the father”, she suddenly confessed and gazed me with her pearly grey eyes. I was overwhelmed by her words. First I couldn’t figure out anything to say but then I told her the only thing that was really true: “I wish that too”.

      So, here we were, two people feeling something that they were not supposed to feel. I had my relationship with Tochi and she was tied to Kyo and yet we wanted each other. I was relieved that it was out in the open now. She had said it and I had said it. We knew where we stood and that felt good even if we might not get everything we wanted.

      When I woke up couple of hours later she was sleeping soundly in my lap her back against me. I kissed her nape and pushed my arms under hers to reach her breasts. I took one of them in my hand and rubbed the dark nipple gently with my fingers. She groaned and pushed her bottom against my body. My dick was again eager to find its way inside her. I guided myself to her wet opening but I didn’t push myself inside her. I waited her to do it. “Don’t be shy”, she whispered and pushed herself against my dick sinking it deeper inside her. I just couldn’t control myself anymore and pushed myself as deep as I could. “Please fuck me forever”, she moaned and pushed herself still slightly closer.

      My forever wasn’t maybe as long as she would have wanted but I tried very hard to prolong our climb to heaven. She was the first one to reach the top. Her body exploded into strong contractions around my shaft and made me come couple of seconds later.  Finally I got the relief I wanted so much. I was inside her and wanted to stay there for the rest of my life.

      I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again, she wasn’t there anymore. Maybe she had left because she was afraid that Kyo would be angry. The feeling of disappointment almost crushed me and hot tears started to flow down my cheeks. Then it occurred to me that maybe Anna had sent her away. It was so difficult to remember that she was just a visitor in this world. Perhaps that was also the reason for Kyo’s hesitation. Vinushka was completely dependent on Anna’s will. She would always be only a part time wife and mother. I understood now why Kyo had formed a passionate relationship with Anna as well. She was a real person and always there.

      Suddenly I realized that it was morning and the great decision had been made. I had completely forgotten Tochi and Eicca during our passionate night. Vinushka was really the master of distraction.


	29. The return of the ring

## The return of the ring (29)

      It was still quite early but I decided to put my clothes on and have a morning swim before going to breakfast. The summer morning was gorgeous when I walked over to the seashore with a towel on my shoulder. I left my clothes on the pier and plunged into the cold seawater. It almost took by breath away but drove the last remains of sleep out of my body. When I climbed back on the pier I was ready to face whatever decision Tochi had made.

      While I was drying myself I saw Eicca walk down the path towards the pier. He probably was also coming for a morning swim. I realized he was alone and coming from the main house, not from any of the outbuildings.

      “Good morning. How was your magic night?” he greeted me and gazed at me with his keen grey eyes.

      “Thanks, fine”, I replied slightly annoyed by his question. “I spent it with Vinushka.“

      “Actually I wanted to see you. I have something for you”, he said and pushed his hand into his pocket. “Tochi wanted me to give this to you”, he said quietly and opened his hand. The onyx ring rested on his palm, the black stones gleaming on the yellow and white gold band. I stared at it tongue tied. “I don’t need it anymore. I have my family and band here. I almost killed Tochi with my love. I don’t want him to suffer. You’re the right person for him. Please, take it.”

      I picked the ring from his hand and wondered what had happened. Eicca had given up after he had gone to so much trouble to make himself more attractive to Tochi. The relief overwhelmed me.

      “Please take care of Tochi”, Eicca said and started to strip clothes off his gorgeous body. He was tall, blond and beautiful. I could understand why Tochi had fallen in love with him in the first place. I was nothing compared to him – just an ordinary Japanese guy looking almost like an Indian. But Tochi had selected me instead of him. That was all that mattered.

      I pushed the ring into my pocket and hurried towards the main house to have some breakfast. I wasn’t sure where I could find Tochi.  Maybe he was still sleeping. Just when I was about to give him a call, I saw his tall figure hurrying towards me in long strides. He was slightly out of breath when he reached me. His eyes were radiating happiness.

      “Hi Die, gorgeous morning again. Did you have a good time at the party last night?”

      “Sure, Vinushka kept me company“, I replied and felt the ring in my pocket. I took it in my hand and tried to find right words to express myself. “Eicca gave the onyx ring to me just a while ago” I finally blurted out and opened my hand to show him the ring.

      “Oh, did he?” Tochi gasped and stared at the ring on my palm.

      “Would you like to take it back?”

      “No, I don’t want it back… but you could buy me a new one…if you want to”

       Did I want to? For sure I wanted to. I pushed the ring back into my pocket and grabbed the tall, absolutely gorgeous human being in front of me into my arms and kissed him like it was the first and last kiss of my life. “I will buy you a new ring. I love you more than anything”, I whispered in his ear and held him in my arms in the warm morning sunshine.


	30. The accident

## The accident (30)

       I was sitting at the breakfast table with Toshiya, Anna and Kirsi when Eicca returned from his morning swim. He had only his towel on his waist and he looked like a Greek statue. I just couldn’t help watching how Tochi reacted when he saw Eicca’s perfect body vanish into his bedroom. The old attraction was still there.

      Eicca came to sit opposite to us beside Kirsi and Anna. He seemed to be on good humour, no signs of ill feelings or sadness. Maybe he was relieved that we had put his sad love affair behind him. We were just finishing our breakfast when the front door was kicked open and we saw Perttu supporting Kaoru standing in the doorway. They were both dripping wet and muddy. Kaoru was hardly conscious and he had an ill looking bruise on the side of his head.

      Eicca was the fastest to react. He rushed over to Perttu to help him drag Kaoru in. “Let’s take him to my room”, he commanded. They carried Kaoru together into Eicca’s room and stripped the wet clothes and shoes off him. Perttu dried him with Eicca’s towel and covered him into bed under a warm blanket. “What happened? How did he get that bruise?” Eicca asked Perttu who wasn’t looking well either. He was pale and starting to shiver in his wet clothes.

      “He tripped and fell overboard when we were checking the fishnets close by. He must have hit his head on something”, Perttu explained his teeth chattering. He was shaking violently now.

      Anna realized that something was wrong also with Perttu. “He’s going into a shock. I’ll take him into my room. Has anyone called 112? I think we need a doctor here.” Kirsi made the call to the emergency number and explained what had happened. They gave her instructions how to treat the patients while waiting. They were going to send a helicopter ambulance as we were on an island. It didn’t take long before we heard the powerful noise of a helicopter landing on the yard. The doctor checked both our patients, he was especially worried about Kaoru’s head. He probably had a concussion as he had lost his consciousness due to the blow.  Kaoru was now fully awake and was asking where Perttu was. We explained that he was in the neighbouring room suffering from a shock but was otherwise unharmed. He was satisfied in our account and closed his eyes to rest.

     Eicca had along discussion with the doctor about Kaoru’s condition. He gave him instructions what to do if he would get severe headache or problems with his sight. Now all he needed was rest. I and Die decided to stay with Kaoru in case something happened and Eicca watched over Perttu. It was awfully quiet in the house - everybody was shocked to think what _might_ have happened.  It was an unbearable thought that either one of the just married couple would have died. Now we seemed to get by with just a concussion and a shock.

      We had a hard time in keeping Kaoru in bed when he started to feel better. He insisted seeing Perttu and didn’t give up even though we told him that we had doctor’s orders to keep him in bed. Finally we gave up and let him first sit up and then try standing. He managed that well so we took him to Perttu watching his every step ready to interfere if something happened.

      Perttu was sleeping when we entered Anna’s room. Eicca gave his seat to Kaoru and we left them alone. Maybe Kaoru just wanted to see that his mate was alive and unharmed. We let them spend half an hour together but decided then to peek in to see what was going on. Perttu was now awake and holding Kaoru’s hand. He clearly was more in pain than Kaoru.  Kaoru looked worried and explained to us in Japanese that Perttu was blaming himself for the accident. “I can’t make him stop speculating what might have happened.  I think he is not in his right mind at the moment.”

      “Would it be easier if Eicca talked with him in Finnish?” I proposed knowing that native language was always best in this kind of crisis situations.

      “That might help. They have a long history together and they understand each other from half a word”, Kaoru consented and stood carefully up to give his place to Eicca. He was clearly tired and needed rest without having to worry about Perttu. With Eicca Perttu was in good hands.

      Kaoru didn’t want anybody to stay with him anymore so we excused ourselves and walked over to the seashore to calm down. The thought of Tochi getting killed was so crushing to me that I couldn’t bear to think about it. Tochi probably had the same problem. We sat quietly on the pier and were grateful of every second we had each other.


	31. Practice makes perfect

## Practice makes perfect (31)

       The accident in the morning had made me think about my relationship with Tochi in a new light.  I knew now that I wanted to spend my life with him and I wanted to be a father. I hadn’t yet told Tochi about my discussion with Vinushka, but now it was the time to take it up.

       “I told yesterday to Vinushka that we were planning to have a baby and wanted her to be the mother.”

       “How did she react? That is a rather bizarre request”, Tochi wondered.

       “She was willing to do it, but she was worried about Anna. She may have difficulties to do it again.”

       “How does Vinushka’s pregnancy affect her?” Tochi asked.

       “She feels all the same things as Vinushka does, the nausea in the morning and labour pains, everything. Besides having Vinushka here for extended periods of time makes her very tired.”

     “So the whole thing depends more on Anna than on Vinushka”, Tochi concluded.

     “Yes, we’ll have to consult her first.”

      “How did you get that bite in your neck?” he asked pointing at the bluish bruise that hadn’t started to fade yet.

     “Vinushka made it when we practised making babies.”

      “Are you serious? Did you fuck her in sauna? What if Kyo finds out? He’ll give you a beating for that.”

      “I don’t think he’s very interested in her doings. He’s up to something else and I’m going to find out what it is.”

       “I hope you’re not angry with me for that?” I finally asked after a long silence. “I was kind of sure that you’d dump me and I wanted her to be with me while you were with Eicca.”

      “In the forest you made love with Shinya and in sauna with Vinushka. You must be the horniest guy in the world. I turn my back for a second and you help yourself like in the hotel last March. Your dick will be worn out before you’ll be forty”, Tochi sneered at me.

     “No, I don’t think so. It’s one of the few things that gets better when used”, I replied sounding a bit smug.

      “Wait a minute. What happened last night?”

       “Well, we practiced more, a lot more to be honest. I don’t understand why her pregnancy fascinates me so much.”

      “Are you planning to be the father if you’re already practising so hard?” Tochi wanted to know.

      “Is that a problem? Would you like to take care of conceiving the baby?” I asked feeling worried. I wanted to keep Vinushka to myself.

       “No, but it worries me that I cannot have babies. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I couldn’t make Kirsi pregnant although we tried twice.”

       “Don’t worry. It’s probably more due to her age than you. It’s not easy to become pregnant after being forty.”

       “Maybe that’s true, but it still bothers me.”

       “Would you like to practice with me?” I asked feeling horny again. He was so cute when he was worried.

      He turned to gaze at me and my heart almost melted there and then. He had tears in his eyes and he looked like an angel. I didn’t deserve this gorgeous creature, but here he was with me. “I love you. Please let me make love to you.”

      “I love you too” he smiled and stood up from the pier straightening his stiff legs after sitting too long. He helped me up, grabbed me in his arms and kissed me. “Let’s enjoy life while we can. You never know what happens tomorrow.”


	32. A talk with Anna

# Toshiya

## A talk with Anna (32)

       My respect for Eicca doubled when I realized he had really done as I had asked him to. He had given his ring to Die admitting his defeat.  He’d have to settle for being the second guy in my life or nothing at all. I didn’t know what he had decided - maybe he didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I had now my own project with Die and I hoped that would keep my thoughts off him.

        Somewhat after noon, when things had settled down after the morning’s catastrophe, I waited for a chance to talk with Anna in private. She seemed to be very distracted and tired. Maybe having Vinushka around a long time had been too much for her. I was about to go and talk to her in the kitchen when I saw her with Kirsi. They were absorbed in a kiss that could mean only one thing: they were lovers. Now I understood why Kirsi had given up so easily. She had other things on her mind.

     They looked a bit embarrassed when they saw me standing in the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt you, but can I talk with Anna?” I asked politely.

    “I will leave the two of you to talk”, Kirsi smiled at me and left the kitchen touching my arm lightly.

     “What is it?” Anna asked and sat at the small kitchen table. I sat opposite to her and stared at my hands not knowing where to start.

     “Die asked Vinushka to have a baby with us, but she said we’d have to talk with you first. For what I understood it might be difficult for you to do it again.”

     “Yes, the beginning of her pregnancy was very difficult for me. I didn’t know how to shut off her tiredness and nausea. But now I can handle that better. Last night was a good example – I had my own thing with Kirsi and I didn’t want to be disturbed by Vinushka. I just shut her off, but judging by the glimpses I had of her night, she was having fun.”

      “Yeah, she was with Die. He is always fun… ”, I muttered still slightly pissed off by his attraction to her.

      “So you think you could do it?” I asked just to make sure I understood her correctly.

      “Yes. It’s up to Vinushka to decide what she wants.”

       “That’s great!” I enthused. I felt so happy that I jumped up, grabbed her in my arms and kissed her again. She blushed and lowered her eyes. Then I remembered what she had said this morning. I had been the one she wanted in the first place. She still did…

      When I returned to the living room, Kirsi gave me a curious look. She returned to the kitchen probably to milk out all information about my discussion with Anna. I trusted Anna – she wouldn’t blabber about our affairs even to her.


	33. Lost spirit traveller

## Lost spirit traveller (33)

      I found Die sitting with Vinushka on the front steps of the house. The midday sun shining through the surrounding high birches created a dappled shade on the stairs and made the place comfortable to sit.

       “Hi, Vinushka! I just talked with Anna about the baby.  It’s okay for her. She said it’s up to you to decide whether you want to do it or not.”

       “That’s good news!” she smiled and grabbed Die’s hand.

       Die flashed his gorgeous smile at me. “You were fast. I was only planning to talk with her.“

        I sat on the stairs beside Die and waited for Vinushka to leave us alone. She didn’t.

      “Do you know what Kyo is up to? I haven’t seen him the whole day”, I finally asked her.

       “He was here in the morning, but I haven’t seen him after that”, she replied and frowned. “Maybe I should go and check his whereabouts.”

       I was relieved when she left to look for Kyo, but it didn’t take long before she hurried back out of breath. “I found Kyo in his bed but I can’t wake him up. He doesn’t react to anything. He breaths but that’s all.”

      I jumped up and rushed inside to find Anna.  “There’s something wrong with Kyo. He’s in his bed alive but he doesn’t wake up.”

      “He’s travelling”, Anna mumbled to herself. “I must go after him. He may be lost and cannot find back to his body.”

     “Do you mean he’s spirit travelling like you?” I asked in wonder.

     “Yes, he can do it. I taught him to use his talent. I warned him not to go alone, but he must have done that due to something important.”

      We all hurried into Kyo’s little room that was littered with unfinished or rejected poems and sketches. His note book and sketch books were lying on his bed beside him. His iPhone was still in his hand. The last call he had made was to Uta.

      “Please leave me alone with him for a moment”, Anna requested. “And Vinushka, can you please go into Tochi’s room. I will have to send you home.”

      I opened my door for Vinushka, who seemed to be reluctant to leave, and sat down on the stairs with Die to wait.  After couple of minutes Anna peeked out of Kyo’s door. “Vinushka is gone now. You can use your room. If I don’t come out after half an hour, we probably have a bigger problem than I anticipate. But I believe I can bring him back. It may take time, but stay calm. There’s nothing you can do to help.”

      “Can we come and check on you in half an hour?” I asked. The waiting was going to be painful and it was good to have some kind of deadline.

      “That’s okay, but please don’t disturb me”, she replied.

      “Our two bands will be ruined if we can’t get him back”, Die worried. He had taken Kyo’s notebook with him and was turning the pages slowly reading the poems. “Oh shit, Kyo’s desperately in love with Uta!”

     “You’re kidding. Those poems might be about anybody or just pure imagination”, I protested.

     “No, these are definitely about Uta. Look at the scribbles he has made in the margins.”

     I stared at the little remarks that really talked about Uta. “Something must have happened in Tokyo. I bet he travelled there to see Uta. Should we call him? It’s evening there so he should be available.”

     Die had the phone numbers of all Sukekiyo members in his phone so he made the call. It didn’t take long before Uta answered. Die explained that Kyo wasn’t feeling well and that we wanted to check if he had talked to him lately. Uta told him that they’d had a brief discussion in the afternoon. Kyo had told him about the accident and had sounded somehow anxious. They had also talked about Kyo’s new poems and drawings and plans for their next week.

      Uta wasn’t of much help to us. He was clearly completely oblivious about Kyo’s feelings. That was typical of Kyo: He could write his feelings on paper but talking about them was almost impossible for him. “What are you going to do this evening? Can we call you if there’s a need?” Die asked. There was along explanation at the other end of the line and Die listened carefully frowning now and then. I was very concerned when Die finally finished the call. “He’s travelling to Kyoto tonight to meet his girlfriend’s parents. I think they are planning to get married.”

      “Houston, we’ve got a problem”, I sighed and buried my face into my hands. Kyo might try to do something stupid to prevent them from getting married.

      Just when we were starting to feel desperate Anna opened the door and came out. “I found him. He was in Tokyo following Uta. I think he is very concerned about his wellbeing. It took some persuasion to get him return into his body.”

     “Yeah, Uta has a girlfriend and they are probably planning to get married.” I just called him. He was travelling to Kyoto to meet her girlfriend’s parents”. Die reported. “How is Kyo? Can I talk to him?” he asked sounding concerned. Die still cared about Kyo and wanted to help him.

      “He’s extremely tired after travelling too long but otherwise okay. He could certainly use your support”, Anna replied.

      Die stood up stepped into Kyo’s room closing the door behind him. I thanked Anna and we headed together to the main house. I really hoped that Die could help Kyo to get over his crush for Uta. We didn’t need any more unhappy relationships in our team. Besides Kyo had his baby to take care of in just a couple of months.


	34. Breathe under water

# Perttu

## Breathe under water (34)

      I woke up at noon in Anna's room. Eicca was sitting close by in an armchair reading a book. “Where’s Kaoru”, I asked afraid that his condition might have become worse while I was sleeping.

      “He’s okay and resting in my room”, Eicca reassured me. “How do you feel? Are you well enough to tell me what happened?” He moved his chair closer to my bed and gazed me with his grey eyes.

      “I am afraid. Every time I close my eyes I see the muddy darkness and feel the panic of losing Kaoru”, I whispered. Even now my body was starting to shiver again. “Can you come here and hold me?” I asked. He had always been my safe haven, the tall, blond giant I loved and trusted. He laid by my side on the narrow bed and folded his arm around my shaking body. Finally I felt safe.

      “Please tell me”, he whispered in my ear.

      “I didn’t actually see what happened. I was rowing close to the shoreline in front of the rushes and looking behind me to find the fishing nets. Suddenly I felt the boat rock violently and heard a bang. When I turned around, he wasn’t there anymore. All I could see was the ripples in the water beside the boat. The water wasn’t deep so I expected him to stand up from the water but he didn’t. I waited and waited. I couldn’t understand where he has vanished. Then I remembered the bang and realized that he might have hit his head and was unconscious. I jumped into the water and tried to find him, but all I could see was muddy water and darkness. I crawled under water until I was suffocating and I had to stand up to breathe. I knew I had very little time to find him.

     Then I started to wade around trying to find something with my feet. Finally I tripped into something and dived down to see if it was him. I grabbed his shirt to lift his limp body into my lap. With a great effort I managed to get him upright. He was coughing water and trying to breathe. I could do nothing but wait holding him. There was no way I could lift him back into the boat so I decided to wade back to the shore through the rushes.

      That was the longest journey I’ve ever made. He was heavy and fighting for his life. Finally I reached solid ground and laid him there on his belly to drain the water out of him.  I noticed that he had ugly looking bruise on his head. I tried to stop the bleeding, but I couldn’t. When he was breathing again somewhat normally, I dragged him to the main house. The rest you know…”

      “That must have been horrible”, Eicca whispered rocking my body to comfort me.

      “The worst thing was when I thought I couldn’t find him although I knew he must be there.”

      “But you did find him and he’s quite okay now thanks to you”, Eicca reminded me.

      “Thanks to me he almost drowned. I shouldn’t have asked him to come with me and I should have given him a life vest. He can’t swim.”

      “That’s not the issue here. He hit his head and that’s not your fault. Blaming yourself is not going to change anything or help you or him to heal. He loves you and worries for you as we speak.”

      “I know that, but I still feel the guilt. I must ask him to forgive me. I was a stupid asshole to take him to the sea. I know he’s afraid of it and is not used to it. But you know Japanese men – they have to be brave.”

     “I’m sure he’s not expecting any apologies from you, but talk to him. He’ll understand how you feel and will support you “, Eicca encouraged me and climbed out of the bed. “Shall I ask him to come over?”

      “Please do”, I replied relieved that I’d got part of the guilt off my chest. I wanted to have my man beside me.


	35. Forgiven

## Forgiven (35)

      After a while I heard a quiet knock on my door and Kaoru peeked in. He had a large band aid on the side of his head but otherwise he seemed to be well. “Eicca told me you wanted to see me”, he said shyly and sat on the side of my bed. “Are you feeling better now?” he asked.  He took my hand and gazed me with his dark, almost hypnotizing eyes. He was probably trying to see if I was still in a shock.

      “Yeah, I tried to sort out with Eicca what happened. He helped me to get over my fear and guilt. I feel much better now.” I tried to smile at him, but all that happened was that tears filled my eyes. I reached out my hands to draw him closer and started to cry.  “I’m so relieved that you are still alive and with me. For a while I thought I had lost you”, I sobbed and caressed his dark hair with my hands. “I’m so sorry I took you out there in a boat.”

       “Don’t be. It was I who wanted to be there and it was I who tripped in my own feet. I’m a grown man and I know what I’m doing. Now I want you to stop crying and kiss me.”

      “Yes sir, one kiss coming up”, I joked between my tears and kissed him like it was our first kiss. “I think we should let Anna and Eicca have their rooms back”, I proposed after we had kissed enough. My body was reacting to Kaoru’s presence and there was no privacy here. “Besides I could use a cup of coffee to cheer me up.” My nose told me that there was coffee brewing somewhere close.

      Kaoru helped me to get up and walked together back to the living room where Kirsi, Eicca, Paavo and Mikko were sitting at the coffee table. “Great, you’re both up on your feet again”, Kirsi enthused and hurried to get us both coffee mugs from the kitchen. After the coffee we walked over to our own outbuilding. All I wanted was to hold my man and feel his body close to mine. I would never again take him for granted.


	36. Saved by the bell

# Kyo

## Saved by the bell (36)

      The memories of Uta and the woman kept haunting me during Midsummer’s Eve. I wrote and wrote but I couldn’t find appropriate words to describe my feelings. The accident on Saturday morning was the last straw that broke my resolve not to spy on him.  I just had to see him. Tokyo wasn’t the safest of places and I had this terrible foreboding that he was going to get hurt.

      I called him to find out what was happening, but he was very secretive.  Something was definitely going on, but he wasn’t going to share it with me. When I had finished my call, I decided to spirit travel to Tokyo to see what he was up to. I considered letting Anna know about my plans, but gave up the idea - she would probably just try to stop me.

      I had Uta on my ‘radar’ so it was easy to find him. He was talking on the phone about train schedules to Kyoto. During his call I realized that he was planning to travel to Kyoto tonight with his girlfriend. I was convinced that something terrible was going to happen to them. I didn’t have a body so there was nothing I could do to prevent that.

      When I was desperately trying to figure out a way to prevent them from travelling I felt Anna’s presence. “I will send Vinushka to Tokyo to help. You have to return to your body. You’ve been here far too long.”

      I tried to oppose her but she convinced me to leave the matter to Vinushka. She had a real body and could do real things like make them miss the train. Finally I gave up relieved that she had taken seriously my forebodings.

      When I woke up in my room Anna was gone but Die was sitting by my bed. “Welcome back, lost man”, he said and flashed his beautiful smile at me. I had forgotten how gorgeous he looked when he smiled. “How are you? We were all worried sick when you weren’t here anymore. “

      “I’m sorry, but I had to travel to Tokyo to find Uta.  Something bad is going to happen to him and his girlfriend. Anna sent Vinushka there to help”, I explained feeling completely exhausted. “Where is Anna? Does she know what is happening?”

      “She left to the main building with Tochi. I think she’s on top of things”, Die assured me. 

      I wasn’t convinced. “I have to see her right away. Please help me up.” Die gave me his hands and lifted me first in sitting position and then standing. My head felt dizzy and my legs were like spaghetti. “Let’s go to the main house.”

      Anna was sitting at the small kitchen table her hands covering her eyes and Tochi guarded her every movement. “They are on the train now, all three of them”, Tochi explained.

     “Are you crazy? They are all going to get killed!” I shouted.

      Die grabbed my arm when I was going to rush over to Anna. “Please, let her do it.”

      After couple of very long minutes Anna finally stirred and looked at us. “They are all out of the train now. Vinushka pretended that she was having her baby on the train and forced the train to stop on the next small station.”

      “Is there no way to stop the train from going?” I protested thinking about all the people on board.

      “The emergency stop at the station took so long that the future changed. The train is safe now”, Anna explained.

      “I think I’m going to pass out”, I whispered to Die before the cold darkness in my head took over.

      The next thing I knew was that Die was there again holding my hand. I was lying on Anna’s bed and three pairs of worried eyes were gazing at me. “Welcome back again”, Die smiled and squeezed my hand. “Tochi just called Uta to tell him that you’re feeling better. He told Tochi that he was on some God forsaken railway station waiting for the next train to Kyoto. They had helped some poor pregnant woman to get to the hospital. He sounded slightly annoyed but was otherwise okay. He sent his love to you.”

       I was relieved to hear that he was unharmed, but I was still dead tired. “I think I need a nap now. Can I sleep in your bed for a while?” I asked Anna.

       She smiled at me and winked her eye. “I think I need some rest too. Can I join you?”

       I nodded although I knew sleeping was my top priority. She crawled beside me sighing of satisfaction. Die and Tochi left us politely alone and closed the door.

       “Thanks for saving my loved ones”, I muttered half asleep already.

       “Don’t mention it”, she mumbled and folded her arm around me. “I love you.”


	37. Strange connections

## Strange connections (37)

      When I woke up late in the afternoon, Anna was still sleeping her arm around me. She looked so peaceful. I had to consider myself a lucky guy. I had all these magnificent people around me: I had Vinushka and Anna, Die and Tochi, but I still wanted more. What was wrong with me? Maybe I should let Uta continue his life with his girlfriend. He deserved to have a family and be happy.

      During the horrifying moment when I heard that Vinushka was on the same train as Uta and his girlfriend, I had been ready to sacrifice anybody just to save her and my baby. I had my priorities again clear in my head. I wanted to be a good father and husband to Vinushka no matter what she was. And I needed Anna’s help to make it happen.

      Anna stirred awake when I kissed her forehead. Now she had enough energy to reproach me about my foolhardy spirit travelling. She was also very interested in my forebodings and wanted to know it this was the first time I had experienced something like that.  I tried to remember, but I couldn’t recollect any other case when the foreboding would have been so strong.  “Maybe you and Uta have an exceptionally strong mental connection”, Anna wondered.

      “It feels like he burns me”, I confessed. “I’ve been afraid to touch him because of that.”

      “That’s interesting. I had once a similar connection with a man I knew, but that’s long time ago…”

      “Speaking of connections, I have something to tell you… ”, she started sounding a bit unsure. I was surprised when she told me what had happened between her and Kirsi. I had been so absorbed in my poems and Uta that I hadn’t noticed anything. I had always thought that she didn’t have appetite for her own sex, but then again, things happen. She seemed to be as confused about it as I was. “I wasn’t sure I should make love to her although I wanted it. The idea felt so strange.”

      “What will happen next? Are you still planning to come to Tokyo after the baby is born?” I asked concerned about this new relationship.

      “Certainly. This is not _that_ serious. Maybe Kirsi just wanted to have a new experience with me. Perhaps she got bored with Eicca”, she sneered. “My summer holiday starts the week after next and after that I will start my leave of absence as we agreed. It will be wonderful to enjoy things I love like reading and writing and music.”

      “By the way, I promised to spend the night with Kirsi. You can sleep here if you want to. It’s not good for you to spend time alone. You may end up spirit travelling accidentally.” I had to confess that something like that had already happened on Thursday night.

      “That settles it then. You’ll stay here and think about new potatoes or something, but not Uta“, she commanded me. I agreed. I’d had enough of strange things happening in my mind. I wanted to feel ordinary.


	38. Pissed off

## Pissed off (38)

     When I returned on Sunday morning to my little room in the second outbuilding I found Vinushka sleeping in my bed. Her eyes looked swollen and she had my poems scattered around her. I realized that she had been reading them and probably understood what I was writing about.  I sat on her bedside and caressed her hair and cheek. She looked very peaceful sleeping there but she must have had a difficult night.

      My touch stirred her awake. “Sorry, I must have passed out in your bed. I came to look for you in the evening, but you weren’t here”, she explained sounding a bit embarrassed.

      “I was sleeping in the main building”, I told her.

     She didn’t look me in the eye when she sat up. “Maybe it is better that I leave you to your work.”

     “No, please don’t go!” I grabbed her arm when she was about to stand up. “I must apologize for my behaviour. I have been indifferent and rude to you lately. You saved Uta and his girlfriend from certain death and I haven’t even thanked you for that. I don’t deserve you, but… “

      “No, you don’t deserve me”, she glared at me looking pale and hurt. “When I read your poems last night, I realized that all you care about is your work and art. There is no room for me and the baby. Even Die cares more about me than you. I can manage very well without you. You can shove your poems in your ass and go fuck Uta. I don’t care!”

      When she has stopped shouting at me she ripped her arm free and rushed out of the door banging it shut. I deserved that. I sat on my bed for a while paralyzed by her harsh words. Then I collected the poems that were scattered on the bed and on the floor and shoved them into a plastic bag together with my note book.  I walked over to sauna where I could find the nearest fireplace.

       I was sitting on a low stool in sauna watching my poems burn when I heard someone coming. It was Anna.

      “Oh, sorry to disturb. I was thinking of washing my hair if there’s warm water in here.”

      “No problem, I was just finishing what I was doing”, I said ripping off the last pages of my notebook.

      “Why are you burning your poems?” she asked sounding curious.

      “I think you know why - because I’m an asshole. Vinushka just told me to shove off. She had read my poems although I don’t understand how. I thought she couldn’t read Japanese.”

      “Maybe she has done her homework. She loves you enough to learn kana and kanji to understand what you’re writing.”

      “It didn’t sound like love when I just talked to her.”

      “Well, she’s pissed off. You don’t seem to care about her and you don’t have time for her. You’ve got too much on your plate: Sukekiyo, Dir En Grey, touring, promotion, you name it.“

      “I don’t understand why everything seems to happen to me at the same time. I don’t have control over my life anymore”, I complained.

      “When the baby is born, she takes the control. You’ll have to be there.”

      “She? Do you mean it’s a girl? Are you sure?”

      “Yes, she’s a she. You’re going to have a daughter and she needs a father, not some fancy singer in a rock band. Vinushka can’t make it alone although she thinks so. She needs me and a mate to share the responsibility”, Anna fumed at me. This was going really fine. Now my both women were angry with me.

      “Have you considered letting someone else be the father either completely or part time? I know Die and Tochi want to have a baby and I think Kaoru and Perttu have same kind of thoughts. That would save at least somebody a lot of trouble.”

      I was perplexed. I had never even dreamt of giving my baby away to someone else, but some kind of part time arrangement might be acceptable. “I will have to think about it”, I said standing up. Maybe Anna was right. Maybe I had too much on my plate at the moment. If I quit Dir En Grey there would be fewer things to worry about and less touring…


	39. Nightmares

# Kaoru

## Nightmares (39)

      I anticipated that the following night would be difficult for both of us.  My head was throbbing due to the blow I had received on my head and I was tired. But most of all I was afraid for Perttu. Saving me from under water had been a traumatic experience for him and I wasn’t sure he could handle it yet.

      I held him close to my naked body hoping he would feel safe that way. I was physically there, alive, ready to continue my life with him. He did fall asleep but it didn’t take long before he stirred awake looking horrified. Every time he did that I caressed his cheek or hair and whispered him that I was there. This happened over and over again until I was too exhausted to stay awake and comfort him.

      Obviously he had finally fallen in proper sleep because when I opened my eyes next morning, he was sleeping soundly in my arms.  I couldn’t resist the temptation to touch his tattooed arm that was resting on the duvet. I remembered our discussion about having new tattoos and wanted more than ever to share one with him. My touch stirred him awake. He gazed at me for a while and then very quickly rolled himself on top of me. “Got you! How would you like to be fucked this time?” he murmured in my ear and pushed his knees between my legs forcing them apart. I could feel his dick becoming hard somewhere down there.

       I was surprised by his sudden sexual activity, but started then to think about how I wanted him to take me. “From behind as on the charted bus, but slightly slower please. We’re not in a hurry now.” That was the first time he had made me forget my dignity and just want him madly.

      “Ah, you liked it”, he sneered at me, grabbed his pillow and rolled me on top of it. “You look delicious from this perspective.” He really knew how to turn me on. He was intentionally prolonging the start by moving his fingers on my back and behind and kissing my skin where he had touched.  Finally he dug the lube from somewhere are spread it on me. At that phase I was ready to scream of my desire. “Please, not _that_ slowly”, I begged him and raised my behind to take his wonderful dick inside me. After that it was a hard ride. He fucked me like I’ve never been fucked before. Just when he was reaching the top, I felt a tear drop on my back. That was followed by a second one and suddenly he was crying. He shot his load inside me and buried his wet face into my hair.

      “I just can’t bear the thought of you being dead”, he sobbed.

      “You don’t have to because I am alive and full of your sperm”, I reminded him.

      I turned around, grabbed him in my arms and caressed his silky blond hair with my hands. A wave of unbearable gentleness filled my mind. “You’re my angel and I love you. Please don’t cry.”

      He sighed deeply and tried to calm down. I held him in my arms for quite some time to let him get rid of the gloomy thoughts bothering him.

      “Would you like to make some music with me today? I have this melody playing in my head since yesterday. I just have to write it down before I forget it.  We have plenty of time. We don’t have to drive back to Helsinki until in the evening.” I hoped that the thought of composing music would make him forget the awful speculations about my death.

       He had started to compose his own music already some time ago, but this summer he had several new compositions coming to a premiere. If I had a full-blooded classical composer available why shouldn’t I use his talent to the benefit of Dir En Grey, if he was willing to help?

      “Yes, I’d love that”, Perttu replied. “It will be already the second piece we have made together.”


	40. Plan B's

## Plan B’s (40)

      Anna wanted to talk with me after we’d had our lunch. She sounded very concerned so I left Perttu working with our composition and sat under the apple tree to talk with Anna.

      “I’m afraid Kyo will have to cut back his other activities after the baby is born. I’m not sure what he’s planning but I think you should have a plan B if he decides to leave Dir En Grey.”

      “That will be the end of our band”, I stated curtly. "There’s no other vocalist that could sing our songs the way he does.”

      “Maybe, maybe not, but please think about the alternatives.” Anna asked me.

      “If he’s planning to tour internationally with two bands he’s never going to be at home.  I asked him to consider letting someone else to be the father either full or part time. It would be better for the child to have as many adults around her as possible as safety net. I will be there, for sure, but I would need outside support when you are touring. When Kyo is away with Sukekiyo either you or Die could be sort of step fathers. I think we could consider this kind of shared fatherhood to avoid splitting any of the bands due to Kyo.”

     “You have certainly thought about all kinds of alternatives”, I admitted. “But it’s difficult to say what would be best for the two the bands. I will have to consult him and other band members first. I certainly hope he doesn’t do anything hasty before that.”  I knew Kyo didn’t want to talk about his private matters with other band members, but his relationship with Vinushka wasn’t private anymore.  We were all deeply involved.

      My head was buzzing with thoughts when I returned to our room to see how Perttu was doing. He had made several changes in the melody and added completely new parts to the composition. “Wow”, I thought when he played on the computer what he had ended up with. “Holy shit, that’s amazing!” I breathed and grabbed the man in my arms. He was his modest self but probably also pleased with my prize.

      “I have a question for you. Please consider carefully before answering”, I started and made him sit down again. “Would you like to be one of the part time fathers of Kyo’s baby?

      “How many fathers does she need?” he asked sounding a bit amused.

     “Probably three to four considering how much we all are travelling.”

      “She’s going to have two mothers and four fathers. How is she going to cope with all those adults around her?  Perttu wondered.

       “At least she’s going to be safe and taken care of.”

      “So, we are talking about a heavy duty godfather job?” he tried to summarize the responsibility involved.

      “Yeah, something like that. We should have somebody from Sukekiyo to participate in the arrangement. Maybe Uta would be interested.” I thought aloud.

      “I would definitely like to participate. It requires a lot of arrangements but I don’t think it’s impossible. It would be good practice if we someday have a little girl of our own.”

      My heart skipped a beat when I heard his last comment. I rushed over to him and took him into my arms. “You’re the sweetest person in the world, Mr. Niikura.”


	41. Lumi

# Vinushka

## Lumi (41)

       I was so mad when I rushed out of his room and slammed the door at his face. I would show him that I didn’t need him. He could keep his poems and tours and I would raise the kid without him with Anna’s support.  I stalked to the shore to cool down my temper. It wasn’t good for the baby to get excited like that. I watched the glittering sea and listened to the soothing sound of waves breaking to the shore. This was a fourth beautiful day in a row which was rare in Finland.

       “Sorry, Lumi, but your dad’s an asshole”, I whispered to the baby who was kicking again in my belly.” “What shall we do? I love him, but he hasn’t time for us.” Maybe I should go back and talk with him like adults. I was sometimes too hotheaded.

       I hurried back to his room but it was empty. All the poems and his notebook were gone but his other belongings were there. I decided to wait for him and sat down on the stairs in the warm morning sunshine. I started to think about the baby’s name. I had called her Lumi on the beach. Maybe that could be her name as she would probably inherit my pale skin. Together with a dark Japanese hair and brown eyes that would be a striking combination – like Snow White. Lumi was the Finnish word for snow. I’d have to check with Kyo that the name didn’t have any nasty meanings in Japanese. I wasn’t that skilled in Japanese that I could be sure.

       Just when I was about to stand up and go looking for him I saw his small figure approaching from the sauna path. He carried a plastic bag with him and looked very determined.

       “Hi Kyo. I’m sorry that I yelled at you”, I apologized him and gazed at his dark eyes to see if he was angry with me.

        “You don’t have to apologize. You were right and I’m sorry myself that things have come to this.”

         “Please come and sit down with me”, I asked and reached for his hand to draw him beside me.

      “I had a talk with Anna when I was in sauna. She gave me a beating too. She told me that I had too many things going on at the same time and asked me to consider sharing the fatherhood with somebody. I was thinking of quitting Dir En Grey to have more time with you.

      “No, you won’t”, I protested. You’ll ruin the band and I don’t want that. But it would be nice to have some spare fathers to take care of Lumi when you’re touring. We could ask if Die would like to be one.”

      “Lumi? Is that her name?” he asked sounding curious.

      “I just figured it out. How does it sound? It means snow…”

       “It sounds beautiful. I like it and even I can pronounce it.”

      “But really, don’t even think about quitting Dir En Grey. Everybody will blame me and the baby for splitting the band and that would be awful. Besides I love your music more than anything. That would break my heart as well as million others.”

       “I’m not _that_ important for the band. Kaoru composes most of the music and is the real leader.”

       “I know that, but all your music has been made for your voice. Just stop talking about it. It’s out of the question.”

      “Okay, okay. Don’t get mad again”, he gave in and kissed my cheek.

      “Now that you’re here… do you think we could have some fun?” I asked blushing slightly.

       “What kind of fun did you have in mind?” he wondered looking innocent.

      “Well, all kinds of fun. There’s plenty of time and it’s been a long time since our last love making.”

      “You talked me into it”, he sneered and helped me up from the stairs. I forgot all about our quarrel when the door closed and the darkness surrounded us. I loved my ‘prophet’ and wanted him although it meant sharing him with half of the world.

       “Can I ask you one thing?" Kyo asked when we were resting after our first round of lovemaking.

        “What is it?" I asked feeling sleepy and relaxed.

        “Will you marry me?"

 

The End


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